CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Thank god Marisol’s waterproof mascara was the real deal, otherwise I would have cried it off a million times over by now.
The last few hours have been the best kind of blur. Watching Jasper walk Gwen down the aisle, him looking handsome and earnest, her glowing with happiness. The tender smile on Jasper’s face as he kissed Gwen’s cheek and passed her hand to his equally handsome and radiant brother. The way Gwen and Evan both let out shaky laughs at the sight of tears in each other’s eyes. The simple yet beautiful ceremony performed by Hugh, and the couple’s vows, which were peppered with laughter and tears.
I’ve been to my fair share of weddings, but nothing else has ever compared to watching two of my dearest friends pledge their eternal love for each other in front of a small gathering of the people who mean the most to them. The fact I was among those few people left me humbled, grateful, and yes, teary.
Now, a few hours into the reception, I’m stealing a few moments alone in the bathroom to catch my breath. The sound of music and laughter filters through the closed door, making me smile. Everyone is having a great time.I’mhaving a great time, although there’s a growing pit in my stomach at the way Jasper seems to be avoiding me. We haven’t been able to say more than a few words to each other in passing or as we’ve been dancing in a group with his siblings and their friends.
Marisol’s words from earlier today float through my mind as I apply a fresh coat of lipstick. “You are a goddess,” I murmur to myself, making kissy lips and then smiling at my reflection. “Now go get your man.”
With renewed energy, I stride out of the bathroom. After a quick scan of the room, my gaze lands on Gwen and Jasper, who are standing close and laughing about something. Gwen waves me over when she sees me. The upbeat ’90s pop song that’s playing transitions into a slow song as I approach.
“Perfect timing,” Gwen says, taking Jasper’s arm and guiding him toward me.
Perfect timing indeed; every time a slow song has come on tonight, I’ve wanted to abandon whoever I’ve been talking to or dancing with and dart around the room until I found Jasper. It’s given me several flashbacks to my high school days, when we’d gather for an evening in the dark gymnasium every few months; I’d dance and laugh with my friends, all while tracking my crush with hawk eyes and wishing I had the confidence to ask him to dance.
Jasper takes my hand and pulls me into his arms. The hand holding mine is clammy, but I don’t mind, I’m just glad to have him this close again. His usual scent—light, fresh cologne and soap—is muddled with various fruity and floral notes from all the women he’s hugged today. I’m certain I even catch a whiff of my mom’s signature perfume. She got to dance with Jasper long before I did; the sight of them talking quietly as they swayed to the music made my heart swell.
All night, I’ve been imagining what I’d say to Jasper when we finally had a moment alone. I’d tell him how handsome he looks, how much I’ve missed him the last few days, how I can’t wait to spend more time with him. But what comes out of my mouth when I open it is, “I feel like you’ve been avoiding me.”
Jasper’s eyes are as unreadable as they are intense. With a sigh, he pulls me closer, sliding his arm further around my back and holding me tightly to him. His heart is hammering, and the hand in mine that was clammy before is now slick with sweat. He doesn’t deny he’s been avoiding me. In fact, he doesn’t say anything.
When the song ends, he brushes his lips against my temple as he releases me. “I think we should go talk.” His words are so soft, they’re almost swallowed by the noise around us. Part of me wishes I could pretend I didn’t hear him and we could simply join the party once more—together this time—and dance the night away.
He gives a little tug on the hand still clasped in his, and I follow him through the room, past twinkling fairy lights, artfully-arranged pumpkins, and bouquets of flowers in a riot of autumn colors. Without stopping, he scoops his suit jacket off the back of a chair as we pass, and then continues right on out the front door of the building and into the crisp night. The cool air is a welcome shock to my overheated skin. I suck it in, breathing deeply in the hope it’ll calm my racing heart. It doesn’t.
Jasper releases my hand and drapes his jacket around my shoulders. “I wanted to wait until the end of the night to have this discussion with you. I didn’t want to spoil your fun or take away from the happy couple in any way.”
“So let’s not,” I say. “Let’s wait and talk about this—whateverthisis—tomorrow.” My voice sounds desperate to my own ears. Pleading. The sick, empty feeling in my stomach tells me whatever he’s about to say isn’t good. Tonight has been incredible, and I’d be perfectly fine continuing on in ignorant bliss until morning.
But Jasper is shaking his head. We’re going to do this now whether I want to or not.
“I-I think…I think we’d be better off as friends.”
He might as well have just spoken in a foreign language for all I understand the words. When my brain catches up, I sputter, “F-friends?” Then louder, “Friends?!”
Jasper cringes.
“You can’t tell me you don’t feel something more than friendship for me, Jasper. I may not be all that experienced when it comes to romance, but Iknowyou have feelings for me.”
He makes a move as if to reach for me, then drops his hands, stuffing them in the pockets of his trousers. “I do. Of course I do, Willow. I care about you very much.”
A bewildered laugh pushes past my lips. “Then what is this? What’s happening right now?”
Jasper takes a step backward and turns away from me, muttering to himself as he yanks his hands from his pockets to rake them through his hair. It takes every ounce of willpower in me not to close the distance between us and wrap my arms around him from behind. I want to lay my head in the space between his shoulder blades and murmur comforting words, then turn him around and kiss him until we’re both weak in the knees.
His face is a mask of anguish when he turns around again. “You deserve better than me, Willow.”
“Bet-?” The word is overtaken by a disbelieving scoff. “Betterthan you? How can you say that? What does that even mean?”
“I was content being friends with you. I never intended to tell you about my feelings for you. Despite wondering at times if you felt something more for me, I didn’t truly let myself believe it was possible. How could it be? We’re so different. I don’t regret what happened between us in Honeywell. Not for one second…” His eyes soften, and for a moment I see a glimmer of something that gives me hope.
He shakes his head and whatever I saw disappears almost as quickly as it came. “But I shouldn’t have let it happen. I woke upknowingI shouldn’t have let it go that far, all while trying to convince myself we could make it work. When I went downstairs, I walked in on Gwen and Evan having an intimate moment in the kitchen. They were talking quietly, laughing as they kissed each other. So easy, so comfortable. Then I saw you with Liam later that morning, and the way you two were together, it was like one of those light bulb moments. You deserve someone like Liam.”
My mind goes back to that morning in Honeywell just a few days ago. I hadn’t seen Jasper on the street when Liam and I were talking. For a second, I wonder if that’s what this really is—jealousy over him thinking Liam and I were flirting—but his pained expression tells me he genuinely believes what he’s saying: he doesn’t think he’s good enough for me.
“I don’t care about Liam,” I say, amazed at how steady my voice is. “I care aboutyou.”
