As much as I want that, Jasper seems almost vulnerable right now. I don’t want to lay more at his feet or risk having this turn into something incredibly awkward when we still have tomorrow to get through. So I put myself firmly in the Friend Zone and say, “I’m not sure if I can sleep without a room full of Funko Pops watching me.”
Confusion flickers over Jasper’s face, followed quickly by a soft chuckle. “I’m afraid I can’t help you there.”
I give a ‘what can you do?’ shrug. “Good night, Jasper. Thanks for everything today.”
He surprises me by closing the distance between us and wrapping his arms around me. I expect it to be a quick hug, but he doesn’t let go immediately, so I don’t either. I close my eyes and breathe him in, noticing the hints of cinnamon and sage mixed in with his usual subtle cologne. His grip loosens and he releases me slowly, his hands lingering on my waist.
We stare at each other for a moment that feels like an eternity. His face is close to mine, just a breath away. It would be so easy to lean forward the tiniest bit and brush my lips against his. Without meaning to, my gaze flicks down to his mouth. That small movement seems to shake Jasper from his stupor. His hands fall abruptly from my waist and he steps back.
“Good night, Willow,” he says, his voice barely more than a whisper. “If you need anything, don’t hesitate to come get me.” He takes a few slow steps toward the hallway where the bedrooms are and then stops, turning back. “I’m sorry we didn’t get much time together today. Alone, I mean. I was wondering…”
My heart gives a hopeful jolt when he pauses. “Yes?”
“I’ve planned a special surprise for Gwen and Evan this coming week. I’ve arranged everything and they’ve booked the time off work. I know it’s last minute, but I was wondering if perhaps you’d like to accompany us? We’d leave on Wednesday and return on Thursday. I’ve booked accommodation and you’d have your own room.”
My mouth opens and closes wordlessly. “Do I get any more details than that?”
Jasper’s mouth screws up to one side as he thinks it over. After a moment, a slow smile takes over his face. “No, I don’t think so. Consider it a surprise for you too.”
Taking two days off in the middle of the week when I’ll be taking all of next weekend off for the wedding won’t be easy, especially on such short notice. In my head, Marisol’s voice overrides my concerns: ‘You’re the boss, remember? You can do whatever you want’.
A surprise. An overnight getaway with Jasper. I can’t remember the last time I did something spontaneous. “Okay. Count me in for this mystery adventure.”
Jasper’s smile turns into a full-blown grin that makes my heart leap again and sends butterflies skittering through my belly. “Wonderful. We’ll talk more tomorrow about what you should bring and what time I’ll pick you up on Wednesday.” Without another word, he gives me a nod and a wave, then disappears down the hall.
The soft click of his bedroom door closing makes me realize I’m still standing in the middle of the living room. I wander around the room, taking in the framed family photos and the books on the shelves. I brush my fingers over his fancy Canon camera, which he brought out earlier, along with a tripod. He told me he bought it a few years ago and rarely uses it except for family photos. I pointed out photography would be a good hobby for him and Cabbagetown in the autumn is a photographer’s dream.
Under the camera is a pad of paper with ‘Yearly Christmas Newsletter’ written at the top in neat handwriting, followed by bullet point notes on each Perry sibling. Gwen saw me looking at it earlier and explained that Jasper sends out a newsletter in his Christmas cards each year. When I questioned why he’d start writing it in mid-October, she gave me a sardonic look and reminded me this was Jasper we were talking about. “He’ll have it sent out by mid-November, I’m sure,” she’d said with an affectionate smile.
Continuing around the room, I imagine Jasper here in the evenings and on weekends. He told me once he doesn’t watch much TV unless Hadley is here, so I picture him reading, maybe doing puzzles, listening to music. Is he lonely or is he so used to being alone it doesn’t faze him? What would it be like to be here with him for more than a weekend? To be together not only in the physical ‘being here’ sense, but also ‘building a life’ sense?
I shake my head and give my forehead a quick smack for good measure. Jasper has never given any indication he thinks of me as anything other than a friend. I’ve ventured into dangerous one-sided crush territory where I’m fantasizing about having a life with Jasper while he’s happy to have a new friend. Even if somethingdidhappen between us, my life is in Bellevue and Jasper’s life is here in Toronto. This city is too much for me now—too big, too noisy, too polluted. It represents the version of me who needed to run away and figure things out. It served its purpose as the place that allowed me to hide out for a while when my life fell apart, but I’m finished hiding now. I’m building a new life on my terms.
I wonder if coming to Toronto was Jasper’s version of running away and hiding once Evan and Hadley moved out on their own. He seems so much better suited to a smaller city like Bellevue. Whatever his reason, this is clearly his home now, and I can’t see him leaving, even if he is unhappy with his job. Hadley has only been living with him for a short time, so he wouldn’t want to leave her hanging. And I know he enjoys being close to Malcolm, Sherée, and baby Elizabeth, plus Lina is here in the city.
I need to stop this train of thought before it gets carried away. I suppose it’s natural to fantasize about these things since I’m in Jasper’s home, surrounded by the evidence of his life. Because of that, I’d probably be better off in Hadley’s nondescript, completely impersonal bedroom.
So I top up my wine and head down the hall, only pausing outside Jasper’s door for a second before shutting myself away in Hadley’s room.
