“How do you feel about how tonight went?” Jasper asks.
I blink away the picture of my childhood home and the melancholy that tries to creep in. Mom and I were happy.Arehappy. We’ve had a great life together, and the fact she’s in a relationship now doesn’t change that. “Good. I’d only seen the two of them together briefly before. Even though it was obvious Emilio really liked my mom, tonight made the depths of his feelings clear. It was almost surreal seeing her happy and in love. Butgoodsurreal, you know? She deserves it.”
Jasper nods, keeping his eyes on the road. “They make a lovely couple. They seem to…fit.”
“They do. I’ve thought that about Gwen and Evan too. I know people don’t need someone else to complete them because we’re all whole people on our own, but theydoseem to complete each other.”
“I agree. I always thought the concept of someone completing another person was strange, but I’ve come to see the description fits some people. They belong together. Which is another strange concept.”
“What, belonging?”
“Yes. Such a simple word for a complex thing with different meanings. I’ve never quite felt like I belonged. I’m slowly developing a sense of belonging with my siblings, but I’m not quite there yet, and I know that’s largely on me.” He sighs, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel and shifting in his seat. A quick glance at the speedometer shows him going the exact speed limit because of course he is, it’s Jasper. I smile to myself.
Another sigh and then, “I’ve certainly never felt like I’ve belongedtoanyone. I know some people see that as archaic, much the same as the idea of someone else completing you. But I don’t think I’d mind belonging to the right person. Lately I’ve been surrounded by people who seem to fit together. Malcolm and Sherée, Evan and Gwen, Hugh and Ivy. Even your mother and her beau. Lina and Hadley are single, but they know who they are, they have things they’re passionate about.”
I open my mouth to tell him I understand. Even though I’m lucky to have something I’m passionate about and good at, I still feel like there’s something missing. Lately, I’ve been thinking that something is love. The words stick in my throat, though. For whatever reason, Jasper has found a safe space in me and seems to find it easy to open up. I want to do the same with him, but the more time I spend with him, the more I like him and not just in a friendly way.
I’ve been determined to keep my heart safe, especially after what happened with TJ, but I can’t help wondering what it would be like to belong to Jasper and have him belong to me. To have nights like this become the norm—pizza and wine, time spent with family or friends, deep conversations mixed with companionable silence. We already have mutual friends and, after seeing him with my mom and Emilio tonight, it’s not a stretch to imagine we could belong together.
There’s just one small problem: I don’t think Jasper sees me as anything more than a friend. The question is:couldhe? He said himself he doesn’t date, and it’s hard to picture him flirting. Maybe he’s simply oblivious and needs a push. Or…maybe I should set my sights on someone else. Someone with fewer entanglements to make things less awkward if we didn’t work out.
Jasper glances over at me, making me realize I haven’t responded yet. He’s going to regret pouring his heart out to me if I keep spacing out like this. “It’s not too late to find something you’re passionate about,” I say. “And I get what you mean about belonging. I have that with my friends and family, but haven’t felt it with a man.”
“And you want to?” he asks.
“Yes.”So much.
We lapse into silence again. My brain is buzzing with thoughts I can’t quell. When we turn onto my street, Jasper says, “Your mother and Emilio are going away for Thanksgiving?”
“Yep.” I aim for a bright, easy tone, hoping this doesn’t become athing. “Thanksgiving has never been a big deal for Mom and me, so it’s fine. The Village is closed that weekend, which means Cravings has to be closed, so I’m looking forward to some time off.”
Jasper pulls into my building’s parking lot and parks in my designated spot. “You told your mother you have plans for the holiday weekend?”
The question has the casual curiosity I’ve come to expect from Jasper. If it were anyone else, I’d think he had caught my lie to Mom and Emilio and was passing judgment. “Technically yes. My plans are to stay in my pajamas and do as little as possible. I told them I made real plans so they wouldn’t feel bad and changetheirplans for me.”
He nods in a slow, thoughtful manner as he turns off the car and hands me the keys. He climbs out and is already around to my side by the time my brain catches up and I scramble out of my seat.
“It’s not a big deal,” I tell him, shivering once again as I’m hit with the damp night air.
Jasper gently adjusts my cardigan so it’s wrapped tighter around me, the material covering more of my bare neck. “I didn’t say it was. You, however, sound like you’re trying very hard to convince me—or perhaps yourself—that it’s ‘no big deal’, as you say.”
I let out a little huff at his words. “Okay, fine, maybe you’re right. I’m honestly not upset, but I’m afraid if anyone else knew—especially Gwen—they’d feel sorry for me, and I don’t want anyone’s pity. With that being said, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell Gwen and Evan about Thanksgiving, and let me tell them when I’m ready.” Which might be never, although he doesn’t need to know that.
Jasper seems to realize he’s still lightly gripping my cardigan, and he yanks his hands away as if he’s been burned. “Okay. I’ll keep this tidbit of information to myself.” He takes a step back, thrusting his hands into the pockets of his lightweight jacket. It’s probably wishful thinking, but maybe I’m not the only one who’s affected by our proximity.
“Thanks for hanging out with me tonight,” I say, quickly changing the subject before he tries to convince me I should tell my friends about Thanksgiving.
“I should be thankingyou,” he says. “I keep intruding on people’s lives—first Malcolm and Sherée, now Evan and Gwen. Gwen is far too kind to say anything, but it occurs to me I’ve made a blunder in coming to Bellevue when I should have stayed in Toronto and learned to grow accustomed to my own company.”
There he goes, tugging on my heartstrings again. Despite knowing he’s not trying to gain my sympathy and he’d hate evoking pity in anyone, I do feel for him. He’s got this child-like innocence I find incredibly endearing and refreshing. I may enjoy my own company and be able to find plenty of things to fill my time, but I know what it’s like to be lonely.
“Not ablunder,” I say, my lips twitching around the words. “Gwen and Evan enjoy having you around. And so do I.”
“Even though I suspect Gwen asked you to babysit me tonight?” Now he’s the one whose lips are twitching.
“Babysit!” I say with a laugh. “Not quite. Apparently Evan had a date planned for them and Gwen didn’t want you to feel bad. I was happy for the company. Foryourcompany.” I shift closer to him, hoping to convey a deeper meaning. I’m not sure if subtlety will work on Jasper, but I’m not quite ready to drop my feelings at his feet.
“Thank you, Willow. I enjoy your company as well. I look forward to…well, to seeing a lot more of you.” He shifts from foot to foot and then holds out his arms. The movement is so stiff, it reminds me of a zombie from a horror movie, and I can’t help expelling a laugh under my breath. He freezes, his arms dropping to his sides. “I’m sorry, you’ve said you’re a hugger and I thought—”
