His features are relaxed now, long lashes brushing his cheeks. He’s so beautiful. And he’s all mine. The thought makes my chest tighten. I tell myself the sensation comes from a combination of surprise and gratitude, but I can’t ignore the annoying, niggling doubts that whisper under the happiness.
What if he’s too good to be true? What if this—us, together—is too good to be true? Can we be truly happy if I’m not giving him my all? It’s not that I don’twantto, but part of me is still numb, broken. Can I love him the way he deserves to be loved if I can’t fullyfeel?What if…what if the way I’ve felt these last few months is more than situational depression or Seasonal Affective Disorder? What if the part of me that’s broken can’t ever be healed? Things have been getting better these last few weeks, but what if I never feel like my true self again?
Kieran has been my anchor. The calm in my stormy brain. But what if things never get fully better and I depend on him too much to keep me grounded? What if he gets tired of my merry-go-round of emotions and wants off?
A warm hand covers mine where it lays on Kieran’s chest. I jolt, realizing I’ve been staring off into space as my mind whirred at a million miles an hour. My eyes meet Kieran’s and he gives me a sleepy smile.
“You’re thinking so loud you woke me up,” he murmurs, angling his body toward mine.
I study his face. Gorgeous blue eyes, soft lips that are quick to smile. His dark hair is even more disheveled than usual after a night of me running my hands through it and tugging it. A curly lock has flopped over his forehead, giving him the boyish appearance that always tugs on my heart. I reach up and wind the strands around my finger.
“You okay, love?”
I release the curl, watching it bounce back into place. Kieran catches my hand before I drop it and tucks our joined hands under his chin. He loves me; there’s no doubt about that. And I don’t doubt the intensity of my own feelings for him. He came out of nowhere and things moved so fast, and now I can’t imagine my life without him. Don’twantto imagine my life without him. So I’m going to do what I can to be the best version of myself. For him, but most importantly, for myself. I’ll do whatever it takes to reclaim the person I was, only better because now I know what a bright future I have ahead of me.
“I’m better than okay,” I answer finally, leaning in to seal my lips to his.
