A swell of emotion clogs my throat. “I’m glad I could help you, Kitty. And since we’re being honest, I always felt more for you than I probably should.”
She’s quiet for a moment. She’s wearing what I always thought of as her ‘deep thinking expression’—the one she’d get when she was considering whether to say something out loud or ask a question she wasn’t sure she wanted the answer to. Finally, she says, “You never talked much about yourself, and I know that’s par for the course with your job. So I don’t actually know you all that well, but…well…” She raises her chin and meets my gaze head on. “It looks like you could use a hug.”
I press my lips together to hold in a laugh. Or maybe a sob, who knows. I’m afraid if I open my mouth, one or both will come spilling out, so I just bob my head and open my arms. Kitty steps into them like she’s done so many times before, except it’s not really like before. This time, she’s the strong one, and I’m…well, I don’t know what I am.
Breathing in her familiar scent of sugar cookies and vanilla, I close my eyes and accept the comfort she’s giving freely. I imagine the oxytocin releasing into my bloodstream. The world carries on around us; people come and go from the record store, and a new song starts over the crackly speakers.
When we release each other, we’re both smiling. The loose, relaxed feeling I haven’t experienced in way too long reminds me why I loved my job with HTC. Why I miss it. Maybe I should sign up as a client and get my own companion.
“That’ll be five dollars,” Kitty says.
I know she’s kidding, but her words give me an idea. I’ve spent countless hours thinking about my conversation with Ivy a few weeks ago and how she said I was hiding behind my job as a companion. She was right, of course, which is part of the reason I took a break from the site. But the old me—the one who believed anything was possible and looked for signs and believed the universe had her back—can’t help thinking I ran into Kitty today for a reason.
“I probably shouldn’t do this, and you can totally say no if you’re not comfortable, but…can I buy you a coffee?” The words come out in a rush. Kitty’s inscrutable expression makes me wonder if she even understood what I said. When something akin to embarrassment flashes over her face, I blurt, “Never mind. It was a stupid idea. Forget I asked.” I turn away, my face burning. This just reinforces why I put rules into place and why they’re not meant to be broken. Kitty and I aren’t friends and—
“Make it a smoothie and you’re on,” Kitty says.
I pause with my hand stretched toward the door. “Really? Are you sure? You can honestly forget I said anything and we can go about our lives as usual.”
“I don’t want to forget it.” She looks determined now. The set of her mouth, paired with the color in her cheeks suddenly reminds me how young she is. “You’re not a companion anymore, right? Which means we can be friends now. If it helps, you can pretend we met today and bonded over our love ofJoshua Tree.”
I laugh, opening the door and holding it open for her. “Deal.”
Maybe the universe still has my back after all.
