“I’ve had to learn to trust again, Laura. And for a while I didn’t think I could.” He trailed the back of his fingers down her cheek. “Jealousy is a terrible thing, sweetheart.”
“I know. I’ve suffered from it myself.”
His eyes widened. “You have? When?”
“Cilla.”
Nathaniel huffed out a sigh. “Now that is ridiculous. Cilla, my sweet, doesn’t like men that way.”
“But she had a lover when she lived in Paris.”
“Another woman. When she came here she was close to killing herself; that’s why I gave her the cottage.”
“That never occurred to me.” She frowned. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t feel it was my place to.” He kissed her fingers. “I thought she should tell you. And what does it matter?”
“People should be free to love whomever they choose, though I personally couldn’t imagine loving anyone but a man.”
“Any man?”
She smiled. “One man in particular.”
He examined her cut fingers, turning over her hand to kiss the palm. “But you didn’t get a prize with me. I’ve fought demons for most of my life.” He smiled wryly. “My father told me to run my marriage like a business and find a mistress. I’ve never given a thought to a mistress since the day I met you.” He shook his head. “Madness to think I could keep you at arm’s length. It was impossible, almost from the very first. I didn’t have a hope.”
“So, you went sailing at night to escape me?”
“When all this is over…” He frowned. “You’re to come with me next time. We’ll take a bottle of wine and a couple of Mrs. Madge’s pasties and throw a line over the side in the moonlight. I’ve brought a catch home for the table many times.
“You tore down my defenses, Laura. You’re the best part of me. I am nothing without you.”
“My love.” Laura drew his face down to hers and kissed him. She told him about the letters Dora had found at Gateley Park. “I didn’t read them, but there was one from your father that made me understand just what you had been through.”
Pain darkened his eyes. “It was a bad union. My father was a reserved man, and my mother wanted everything from life.”
She threaded her fingers through his. “It made me cry. You must have been lost and hurt, my darling, and very much alone.”
“Not alone. My grandmother came to the school every visiting day. She brought me treats and told me I was loved. She was a wonderful woman.” He shook his head. “I thought I saw that special quality in you the first time I set eyes on you. You have a big heart, Laura. You care for others. And you’ve made me a better man. I thank God you came into my life.”
She inhaled deeply. “There’s something else I must…” As she spoke, her stomach felt strange, and she suffered a surge of fear for her baby. So tiny and new, would the babe survive thetrauma?
A knock came at the door. “Come,” Nathanielcalled.
Agnes entered sleepily, her hair in a long plait down her back. “You rang, milady?”
“Bring hot water, salve and bandages,” Nathaniel ordered. “Your mistress has hurt herself.”
Agnes’ mouth fellopen.
“Don’t just stand there, girl,” Nathanielsnapped.
Agnes rushed from theroom.
“What were you going to tell me?”
Laura’s lids drooped. “It can wait until later. I’m so very tired.” The ominous heaviness she felt low in her stomach made her afraid to tell him. She couldn’t bear to disappoint himnow.
He pulled the blanket up around her shoulders. “Rest, my love. When Agnes returns, I’ll leave you. I must check the house and grounds. I won’t be long.”
