“Plus, I don’t want to go with you tonight after you made it clear that I’m an embarrassment to you. Etiquette lessons, Gabriel? Really? That’s just downright offensive.”
“I––.”
“And you choose restaurants that are so snooty and highfalutin. I have no idea what I’m ordering. So, no. I’d much rather eat a bag of microwave popcorn while sitting on my couch watching a Regency romance movie with my animals than go on a date withyou.”
“Are you sure you’re not menstruating?” I want to add ‘Because you’re pretty grouchy’ but I don’t get the chance. Her apartment door slams shut in my face. I didn’t even have the opportunity to give her the flowers and candy.
As I turn to leave, an old woman steps out of her apartment. She eyes the flowers and candy. I hold up the bouquet for her. “Those yellow carnations?” she asks.
“Yes,” I smile.
“You trying to win your girl with yellow carnations?”
“Uh, I––.”
“I used to be a florist. Do you want to know what yellow carnations symbolize?”
“Sure.” Why the fuck not?
“All right, I’ll tell ya. Yellow carnations symbolize rejection and disappointment of someone that has failed you in some way. If you’re in a situation where you’re planning to end a relationship, they’re the perfect flower. But, if you’re trying to win a girl’s heart, you’re best to stick with the classic, red roses. But, for our girl, Lexie? I’d choose pink roses.”
“Wow, gee, thanks.” I hand her the flowers and the chocolates.
“She’s not diabetic.”
I turn to leave but apparently this conversation from hell isn’t over yet. “Huh?”
“Lex. She’s not diabetic.”
“And?”
“You were going to give your girl sugar-free candy. Why?”
“Fewer calories, I guess.”
“Jeez, mister. You’re an idiot.”
“I know.” I know.
