She wasn’t so worried about herself. Hell, she could take on a whole mountain and still survive. But Knox…she couldn’t let him get so close that he’d be trapped.
She didn’t want to trap him like his parents had for so long. They’d taught him to forgo his own happiness to earn their love. She wouldn’t do that to him. She needed to release her grip and her need, so he could have it all.
It took a little effort for her to focus on him.
When she did?
Holy shit, Knox looked so tired.
He stared at her like she was a ghost. Yes, she understood, this wasn’t her best look with the whole brain scramble, a black eye, and poly-cotton hospital gown.
“I look like hell, don’t I?” She grimaced.
“You always look gorgeous.” He stood, stretched, and moved to her. “Can I get you something?”
“I’m okay,” she said.
She was so addicted to the man.
“Does it hurt worse today?” he asked, touching her like she was a thin sheet of glass.
She shook her head. Now, that? That was painful.
“It doesn’t hurt when I don’t move.” She held onto him as much as he held onto her.
“I need to tell you something,” he said, right up in her space. “I’ve been thinking about it while you were sleeping.”
“That you got me some more pain meds?” she sort of joked.
He grinned. Leaned in and kissed her temple.
“That I love you,” he said into her hair, totally whacking her upside the head with the words.
She blinked. Hard blinks. When he finally released her, she was still in shock.
“You love me?” She frowned. He couldn’t love her. Not when she needed him like she did, it wasn’t fair to him.
“I couldn’t help it.” He gripped her hand right below the IV. “You’re just so damn lovable.”
“Knox, we can’t love each other.” That would mess everything up.
“I do, though.”
“This wasn’t ever supposed to be that. We both agreed.” She’d worried they were in too deep before, but now she knew for certain they were.
“And that’s what you want now?” he asked. “That’sreallywhat you want?”
It wasn’t about what she wanted, it’s about what she could have. “Our reality hasn’t changed.” Had it? Sure, she’d missed him like she’d never expected, but had things changed so much? To be together, someone had to give something up, and no one should give anything up. That was the whole deal from the start. Everyone gained. No one gave anything up.
“What if the things I want have changed?” he asked, stroking her palm. “What if things changed for me when I got a call that you weren’t waking up?” His voice broke a little. “I am terrified of what forever looks like with you,” he said, the honesty in his words pure. “But I’m more terrified of what forever looks like without you.”
“Knox.” She gripped his hand. “C’mon…”
He traced the line of her IV, up the vein to her elbow. “I need you, Irina. Not just a call here and there, but…more.”
“How can we even make that happen? We’re both living different lives.”
“What?” he asked. “You want to keep to the original plan? Go back to that?”
