Oh no. No. No. April was feeling a little numb—and not the good kind of vodka numb.
“Does Mr. Muscles have a name?” April asked, because if she were having a fake conversation with the guy through Kitty, she should probably at least know his name.
“He said to call him Beast,” Kitty said from the side of her mouth. “Hallo, Mr. Beast.”
“Oh my god, I am not calling him Beast.” April made a gimme motion for her phone. “And do you really think we should be talking to a guy named Beast?”
“Yes, I do.” Kitty lifted her face and grinned at April in that way of hers that made April sort of think everything just might be okay after all of this.
“What’s he saying now?” Simone asked, moving to get a better look. “Oh, he misses campfires.”
“Why are you talking about campfires?” April asked, sliding from the booth. Look at that. Now they were all pouring from the booth to watch whatever Kitty was saying on her phone to this guy who April did not know.
“Probably because he doesn’t know how to make one,” Yelena said, holding her hands up. “I’m not judging. I’m just saying.”
“I think”—Sadie spoke as though she were the authority on all things relationships, which, she sort of was, given that she used to specialize as a divorce attorney—“that this man likes the outdoors. And you like the outdoors. And together maybe you could like the outdoors as aweinstead of ayou.”
“AndIthink that perhaps before I go making camping trips with a guy who can’t make a campfire, we should seriously reevaluate what we do for moms’ night out.”
“He wants to know how your cuddle skills are,” Kitty said, finger poised over the screen. “I was thinking like a 4.5 out of ten?”
No, they were way higher than that. Thank you.
“Uh…” April couldn’t seem to get her tongue to move so she could answer. She cleared her throat, took a gulp of her drink, and said, “Cuddle with him or just in general?”
“I’ll just tell him that’s a second date question.” Kitty stuck the tip of her tongue at the side of her mouth as she thought hard and typed vigorously.
“Maybe even third date.” Rachel nodded her agreement.
“Are you hating this?” Simone asked, slinging her arm over April’s shoulders. “I hope you’re not hating this.”
April let out a nose laugh. “No. I’m just not even sure what I’d do after I cuddled him and licked his arm and made him a campfire. I mean, what do you do after that?”
Other than a little canoodling of the adult variety?
“Do you really want a play-by-play?” Yelena asked. “Because I know Kent was pretty lax in a lot of the departments, but given that you have the three children and the sex pillows, I figured he had that part covered.”
Hold up.
“Sex pillows?” April drew her eyebrows together and gave her friend a look like she had lost her ever-loving mind. Because if April had come near Kent with anything other than a mattress and missionary, he’d probably have had a heart attack.
“You know, you use them for yoga.” Yelena was totally serious here, and April had literally no idea what the hell-o she was talking about.
“I do not use sex pillows for yoga.” If she did, she’d certainly have remembered.
“I think she means the pillow things you sit on,” Rachel said, pointing to her sit bones.
“How would you have sex on a pillow like that?” April asked, because, seriously, how would that work?
“Oh.” Rachel tilted her head from ear to ear. “You’d be surprised. Travis gets creative about things like that.”
“I’m lost, too,” Simone said. Then Yelena raised her eyebrows and some kind of silent exchange went down between them. “Oh,right.” Simone gave her wife some big owl eyes. “I hadn’t thought of that.”
Lost. April was so lost.
She didn’t care for being lost.
“Thought of what,exactly?” April cried, again with the being too loud.
