“Rach.” His lips brushed hers. “I care about everything when it comes to you. You know I don’t like it when you let people walk all over you, so I’ll speak up about it. I want you to make time for us, so I’ll make sure that happens—even if it means your schedule gets a little fucked in the process. And I want dinner invitations with you and the boys, so I hope we can figure out a way to make that happen for me.” He drew a long breath. “That’s the shit that matters. It’s what I have an opinion about. When it comes to the rest, I’m willing to take your lead.”
“Oh.” She pressed her temple against his chest as he led,but they mostly stayed in a two-foot square holding on to each other.
“Anything else you want to get off your chest tonight?” he asked. “Or should we start heading back?”
They had a little more time before the boys were due back at the house. But she needed to check her email and follow up with any late-night Cassie crises.
She didn’t stir. Didn’t move.
There was more. More she needed to say.
“I didn’t call Gavin back.” This came out as a confession, a choked confession that she whispered into the air at his chest.
“Gavin’s not here.” He traced his fingers up and down her spine and held her tighter, her cheek against his chest. “It’s just you and me.”
“After we hooked up, I wasn’t going to call him back,” she confessed—the confession she’d never told anyone.
Travis stilled. Blood started to thrum in her ears.
“I don’t need to hear this.” He started to step away, but she held firm. “You know how before I said that I’d have some things that mattered to me? This is one of those times where I don’t need to know the details.”
“I need you to hear them, though,” she said, because she really, really did.
The earnestness in her voice apparently made him pause.
“Please,” she continued.
She did her best to relax, ready to give only the abbreviated version of events.
“I wasn’t going to call him back, even though he called me,like,four times afterward. I ignored the calls until I found out about the pregnancy.ThenI called him,” she said. “By that point, he’d moved on. As he should have,since I wasn’t interested.”
Travis hardly moved, but she sallied forth.
“I explained everything, and he said he wanted to get married. I didn’t want to. I mean, I wasn’t even going to call him back, so why would we get married?” She had pulled away a little and was talking with her hands.
“Why did you get married?” Travis asked, that mask of neutrality covering his expression.
“Gavin and I are friendly. Friends, even. Sometimes. Mostly,before Dakota. She didn’t really like that we were friends.” She waved away the thought. “This isn’t about her, though. All of this is in the past. I don’t want to ruin where Gavin and I are as co-parents. But you need to know what happened because it…it affects what we are together.”
“Why did you get married?” Travis asked again.
“He made it clear who your family is. Explained to me that you would all support us as a family.”
“If you got married.” Travis filled in the blank for her.
She nodded. When the divorce had finalized, she swore this was the first and last time she’d ever accept help like that. Owing Gavin cost her more than she was even willing to admit to herself—a whole heap of pride.
“My parents were angry I was pregnant. They were even less thrilled that I decided not to end the pregnancy,” she pressed on. “I convinced myself I could be a good mom on my own. But then there were two babies. How was I supposed to raisetwobabies? Even if Gavin shared custody.” She swallowed against what felt like a rising tide ready to sweep her away. “Gavin was my nuclear option so my world wouldn’t implode. He stepped in. He offered an alternative. He made it so I didn’t have to make a decision that I really, really didn’t want to make.”
And it cost her only her dignity.
“It’s not his fault we didn’t work out.” Rachel gripped Travis’s arms to hold him in place. “He just…he didn’t forgive me. For not calling him back. For not wanting him. Eventually, I thought we forgave each other for everything. We were both doing the best we could. The divorce wasn’t contentious. He took care of the boys, wanted to ensure we stayed comfortable—but I didn’t want alimony.”
“You should’ve taken the money,” he said through gritted teeth, because there was more than enough of the stuff to help her out. She didn’t have to work so hard all the time.
She gulped. No, she wouldn’t do that. She’d spent the last years rebuilding her self-esteem. Proving she could make it herself.
“The thing is…I would’ve calledyouback,” she said, pressed against his chest. “I had to tell you about what happened, so you’d know what a big deal that is to me.”
