She brushed a strand of hair from her face. “I can’t take that kind of risk long-term.Kissing you on the sofa is one thing…what happened after is something totally different.”
“It’s me,Rach—I won’t let this hurt you.”
But he was Travis, so she was certain that’s why itwouldhurt her.
“That’s not how it works, Travis.” She hugged herself. “We both know that’s not how it works.”
He shoved his hands in his hair. “Fine, agreed, we can’t prevent each other from falling.”
She nodded.
“But we can promise to soften the landing,” he said, hoping she’d agree.
“I would love to do the things I want to do just to see what happens. Within reason, you know? Not skydiving or anything like that, but other things.” She didn’t have to point at him for him to know what she meant.
“Then take the risk, Rach.”
“Who’s going to make sure Gavin doesn’t re-home the puppies if my parachute doesn’t inflate?” she asked. “I can’t jump,because there are too many things I need to ensure are taken care of.”
“You’re not responsible for the entire world.” He started toward her, but she stepped back, so he paused.
“There’s no plan B for me,” she said as though she truly thought it were true. “If something happens to me, everything in my boys’ world collapses.”
“But what do you want to do?” he asked.
The answer to that was, apparently, simple. “You,” she said.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” she asked.
“Yes, okay.” He stepped toward her. “You need to try somethin’ new without risk. I’m willing to give that to you.”
“How?” She didn’t seem convinced at all that this was possible, but people underestimated him all the time. Usually, he didn’t give them a reason not to, but with Rachel he wouldn’t fuck it up.
“I’m going to make you some promises,” he said.
She didn’t move back when he stepped toward her this time.
“I’m going to promise you that no one needs to know about us. I’m going to promise you that I’ll respect whatever you decide when it comes to us. I’m going to promise to have your back, even if we decide things aren’t working out.”
“And if you decide you don’t want me? After we move forward?”
“Then I’ll promise that I’ll still be there to help you out with whatever you need.”
“What if I really piss you off?”
The lump in his throat seemed thicker. “Then I won’t do it for you, I’ll do it for your boys.”
“What do you want in return?” she asked, cautiously.
“A shot at seeing what happens.” He trailed the edge of his index finger along her cheekbone. “That’s all I’m asking.”
Rachel opened her mouth and closed it, open and close—like a trout that wanted to jump back into the water but also wanted to see what else the world had to offer on land.
“Okay,” she said, finally.
He pressed a kiss to her forehead.
