“No, that’s the problem. You make me feel too much.”
“I’m…sorry.” Her stomach got all twisted again. “What do you want me to say?”
“Go on a date with me.” He was breathing heavy, like he’d just climbed a mountain.
Marlee was very near checking to see if he was feverish. “Eli, you are making zero sense right now.”
“I want to date you.” He turned a bit pale. “I want to start over. Do things right. Take you out to dinner. Spend time together because we want to, not because you have nowhere else to go.”
Oh.
She bit at her lip. “You want to be a couple?”
“I want to give us a chance at that.”
Then why the hell did he look like he’d just told her they were over? He had that same look that Scotty had the morning he broke it off. The one that was trying to be upbeat, but mostly looked like he was about to puke.
Truth was, she felt the same way.
The idea of getting serious with anyone after what had gone down when her last relationship ended? Yeah. That was a hard no.
She already knew she was falling toes over nose for Eli, but up until this point, she hadn’t really given any thought to their future. Her relationships had a pattern—one she thought she’d broken with Scotty. Things would get semi-serious, she’d be having a great time, and then everything would fall apart.
“Do you still want the divorce?” she asked.
“Yes.” He nodded. “And no.” He shook his head.
Well, that made no sense at all.
“I want you to have the opportunity to see if this is what you want first. What I want. Let’s give us a chance to do things in the right order. Date. See where that takes us. Go slow. No worries about timelines and trust funds and who gets what bed.” Eli was getting way too intense for his own good.
“Can we count hanging orange dildo decorations as our first date?” she asked in an attempt to diffuse the intensity taking over his kitchen.
He grinned at that. “Why?”
“Because I plan on putting out tonight, and I don’t really do that on the first date.” She winked at him.
“You’re not taking this seriously at all.” He was back to being way too serious.
She fiddled with the petals on an orchid. “I have feelings for you, Eli. The fact that I’m feeling things for the guy who is divorcing me scares the crap out of me.”
His eyes went soft.
“So now you want to date me, and that’s amazing,” she continued.
“Mar.”
“But you want to start over, and I don’t want to do that.” She didn’t. The last thing she wanted to do was start anything over again. Moving forward was the only way she’d get through the next few months. Going backward would only take her back to the place she’d been with Scotty.
“You don’t want to start over?” Eli’s soft expression hardened around the edges.
“Not even a little.” Marlee shook her head. “I’d rather pick up right where we are. Move forward from here. Let’s not try to erase what we’ve been through, even if it’s messy.”
Eli stared at her for a long beat in that way of his. If she was anyone else, she would’ve thought he was pondering how to end it. To break her heart. But this was Eli, and she knew better than anyone he was just taking a moment to hear what she said. Really let it sink in before he responded.
“Right where we are,” he confirmed.
“All the messy. The divorce. The things that happened this morning. I don’t want to erase them. They’re part of our story.” And hopefully, they were part of a story that wouldn’t shred her in the end.
