And Jase? Well. There’s that moment one realizes they are utterly and truly fucked between their mother’s wish for them to be happy and the girlfriend who could not catch a break. This was that moment.
His girlfriend made policemen penis cookies. How was he going to get his mother pastthat? “It’s like I love your brain,” Jase said to Heather. “And then I don’t understand it at all.”
She shook her head at him, her eyes squinted in the most adorable what-the-fuck look he’d ever seen. Okay, perhaps he should’ve kept his trap shut.
“Mom, you totally have to apologize to Heather now.” Anna linked arms with his mother and pushed her forward. “Because when we get together for Thanksgiving this year, it’s going to be epic.”
Thanksgiving was the furthest thing from his mind. Turkey-shaped cookies, and Babushka, and her two boyfriends. It’d be a Russian-flavored Griswold celebration. He glanced to his mother. If he wasn’t mistaken, she still hadn’t taken a breath.
“Mom.” Anna tapped her on the back.
His mother gulped. She closed her eyes. Counted to five in Russian. Then, without another word, she turned on her heel and left the kitchen. His father followed without saying a word.
“Shit,” Jase said. He didn’t even say it under his breath. There was no need.
Heather stayed in place, piping bag in hand, staring at the space his mother had vacated.
“Vat?” Babushka asked, a little penis crumb falling to the floor.
Yes, he’d been well and truly fucked by a penis-shaped sugar cookie dressed like a policeman.
“Well, I don’t know what it takes to get involved in this, but I definitely want to participate.” Anna sidled up next to the woman in the scooter and grabbed a cookie.
23
Chapter Twenty-Three
By the time Heather slogged up the stairs to her apartment, it was already eight o’clock at night, and if she had to look at another sugar cookie, she might stab her eyes out. Apparently, every bachelorette party in eastern Colorado was that week. She’d spent the entire day icing dicks. And freaking out Jase’s family. He assured her they’d come around, they just needed time. But given the look on his mother’s face, Heather was pretty sure time wasn’t going to fix what was broken.
After his mother walked out, Anna had stuck around and chatted. Turned out Anna was pretty fun. Also, she had a flair for using the flood icing and an inventive idea for prickly peckers decorated like a cactus.
Needless to say, it’d been a long day, and all Heather wanted was a bowl of Cheerios, a shower,The Price is Righton repeat, and bed.
And Jase, she wanted Jase.
But Jase was busy with his renovations, and she was too spent to even walk across the street to hang out with him.
She stuck her key in the keyhole, but it was already unlocked. She pushed open the door.
“Candy?” she called. Candy was the only one with a key. Well, Babushka had one, too. But Babushka was tucked away with Harry at the retirement home for the night.
“Hey.” Jase was lounging on the couch, some book—it looked like the retirement home’s June book club pick—in his hands. He knifed off the sofa and dropped the novel on the coffee table. “I wanted to surprise you. Didn’t realize you’d have to work so late.”
“How’d you get in?” she asked, hanging her purse on the hook.
“Babushka lent me her key. I hope that’s okay.” His hands fell to his hips. He hadn’t changed after work—sameThe Flower Pottee and pair of jeans he’d been wearing earlier.
She dropped her keys in the bowl by the door. “It’s always all right.”
Were they at the key-swap stage of their relationship? She should ask. See if he wanted to.
“Long day?” he asked. As though he hadn’t been there when his mom and sister had shown up in her kitchen.
She ran a hand over her forehead, probably making her bangs stick straight up. She did her best to fluff them. “If I see another penis today, I’ll lose my mind.”
He raised an eyebrow. “That doesn’t sound promising for our night. I brought you dinner.” He did his chin-jerk thing to her table.
If she wasn’t into the man before, the fact that he’d brought her a chicken bake did her in. He could totally have a key.
