I figured if I played the next few minutes right, he’d forgive me for anything.
“You’re not going?” I asked, barely able to hear myself over the pounding of my own ears.
Felix shook his head.
“You’re not the one who screwed up,” I said.
“I screwed up by not telling you everything I should have. By being too afraid of being hurt again to take a risk. All you did was support me in what I’d given you every reason to think I wanted.” Felix took a deep breath, letting it out in one hard exhale. “It’s just that what Ireallywant is walks on the beach and slow dancing in the living room and pancakes on Saturday mornings and to share ballet with kids who love it. And I want it with you. And you,” he added to Benji. “If you’re in the market for another adult to love you.”
I glanced down to see Benji beaming up at him, another one of those smiles he’d run out of face for. “I love you,” he said, with all the ease of a kid who’d never?—
Well, no. He’d had his heart broken like most people never would.
Like a kid who was a lot braver than me.
Okay, then.
“I love you,” I echoed, meeting Felix’s eyes again. “I… I was thinking a while back? That I’d never really known what it meant to love someone until Benji, because he was my first thought every morning. And then, all of a sudden, you were there, too. First thing.”
“First thing?” Felix asked.
“Yeah. Keep waking up thinking about you. Never happened to me before.”
The way Felix’s face lit up was like looking directly into the sun.
27
FELIX
I figured,given everything Benji had just heard, it was okay if I kissed Cooper in front of him now.
So I did.
It’d only been a few days, but the moment my lips met Cooper’s, something that had been jittery and untethered inside me settled back into place. I held his face in both hands, not wanting him to even consider thepossibilityof getting away, and swiped my tongue over the seam of his lips so he knew I meant business.
Not right here in the street.
Later, though. We’d lost more than enough time already.
“You sure about this?” Cooper asked as I generously gave him some space to breathe. “Otter Bay is…”
“Small,” I finished for him. “It’s never going to have a major ballet company and nothing’s open after midnight except the laundromat. You can see the stars at night here, and hear the cicadas, who come early because of something to do with the bay. It’s not New York, and it’s not LA. It’s not even Portland.But it’s got everything I want. Great coffee. Incredible ice cream parlor. A studio I could call home, if Amelia will have me.You,” I said. “And you,” I added, looking down and offering a hand to Benji.
He took it, smiling up at me so wide it mademyface hurt.
I realized a second later that was because I was smiling just as wide back.
“And I want all of it,” I continued, turning my attention back to Cooper’s gorgeous brown eyes, set in his handsome face, with its perfect shy smile. “And I don’t want anything else.You’rebig enough for me. Wherever you are.”
The sparkle of tears welled up along Cooper’s lashline.
I kissed him again, softer this time, and caught his fingers with my free hand. He squeezed back, resting his forehead against mine.
“Think you’d better come home with me,” he murmured, in the low, warm voice I was hoping to hear every day of my life from now on. “If that’s how you really feel.”
“It is,” I said, leaning in so I could whisper in his ear. “And then you can come home with me.”
I felt the heat rise to his face against my cheek and couldn’t help breaking into another smile.
