Anyway, I couldn’t get mad at him. Not right now. My heart wouldn’t take it.
“It’s okay,” I said. “I didn’t tell you because…”
Because I’d never believed it was forever.
“Because I didn’t want you to be disappointed when Felix left.”
Benji knew about people leaving. He was a brave, resilient kid. I’d wanted to spare him going through it again, but he deserved the truth now.
“But you love him.” Benji turned his big brown eyes on me. “You were kissing him.”
“Sometimes adults kiss even if they’re not in love.”
“I know,” Benji said, complete with eye roll to make it clear how obvious that was and that he wasn’t some kind of baby who didn’t know things. “But you love Felix.”
He had me there. Smart kid.
“I do,” I admitted. “I do love him.”
“Then why won’t he stay?”
I chewed on my lip, giving myself a second before answering. Benjiwassmart. He could understand this. I owed it to him to explain.
“Because sometimes it’s not enough to love someone to stop them going away,” I said. “Sometimes there are other things going on.”
Benji wrinkled his nose. He knew that. He’d loved his mom—we all had—and she’d gone away. That didn’t mean he had to like it.
I didn’t like it, either. I wished it was as simple as that.
“Felix can’t live the life he wants here,” I said. “He has to go somewhere with more people, because we don’t have a big ballet company here in Otter Bay.”
“We could,” Benji said petulantly, looking away from me again.
“Maybe one day,” I said. Honesty was one thing, but I didn’t want to break Benji’s heart any further by explaining the finer details of capitalism to him. There’d be time for that particular blow when he was older. “They’ll definitely make you principle dancer if we do.”
“Just like Felix,” Benji murmured. He wasn’t happy, but he was accepting it. That was all I could ask.
He’d bounced back before. He’d bounce back again.
So had I.
We’d both be fine.
It was better if I focused on taking care of Benji. He was the thing that mattered most. I didn’t need a boyfriend and Felix was never going to be that, anyway.
“Just like Felix,” I said. “I bet he’d come see you. Wherever you were.”
Benji’s lips twitched into a smile for a split second. I got the feeling it was more for me than him.
A six-year-old was trying to comfort me. I was clearly handling this well.
“Don’t be mad at Felix, okay?” I tucked a stray curl behind Benji’s ear. “Sometimes, when you love something, you have to let it go.”
Mom had always told me that.
I hadn’t understood it until now. She’d been right all along, though. I loved Felix. I wanted him to have the best possible life. I wanted him to be happy.
That meant letting him go.
