I kept doing that. I wasgoingto keep doing that. Hurting him when all he was doing was checking in on me.
He deserved so much better.
Neither of us said anything else until we got into town and started passing the kids back into the arms of their waiting parents. Sleepy as they’d been minutes before, they all woke up instantly, showing off their medals.
I’d texted Amelia on the drive to let her know we’d won, and she was there waiting for us, too. The first thing she did was throw her arms around me, squeezing tight and laughing bright and clear.
“I knew you’d do it,” she said, hands curled around my shoulders so hard her nails dug into the flesh, grinning so broadly her eyes almost squeezed shut. “Thank you.”
“I owed you this,” I said. I owed her a lot more than this, but it was something in the way of repayment for all the kindness she’d showed me when I needed it most.
The other kids’ parents all congratulated and thanked me, too. By the time they were done, I’d shaken more hands than I had on any other day in my life—maybe more than the total in myentirelife before now.
That was probably an exaggeration.
Either way, when the other parents and kids wandered off, and Amelia kissed me on the cheek and said goodnight, I was relieved to be alone with Cooper. And Benji, who was settled on Cooper’s hip, head resting against his shoulder, eyelids drooping and head nodding. He looked about as tired as I felt.
It was only a little after six, but I was tempted to curl up in bed and sleep through to the morning anyway. My leg hurt, my back hurt, and the fading adrenaline rush was making me jittery.
“I’d better get him home,” Cooper said softly, tilting his head toward Benji’s. “If you’re okay? Do you need anything?”
Come over when Benji’s in bed. Curl up next to me and thread your fingers through my hair and talk to me about nothing important until we both fall asleep.
“I’m fine. He needs you.”
“Yeah,” Cooper said, glancing at Benji. “You gonna call Annabelle?”
“I don’t know,” I said, honestly. I’d been turning the thought—and her card—over for most of the trip home. A new company. The opportunity to do what I’d wanted to. To keep doing ballet, even if I wasn’t personally dancing.
On the other hand…
“You should,” Cooper said.
I looked at him, meeting his eyes.
I should.
I should?
I should… join a company in LA. Leave Amelia, Rising Up, Otter Bay. Benji.
Cooper.
“I should?”
Cooper shrugged. “Like Marcus said, it sounds like a great opportunity. And like she said, it’s… you’re better than this. Youdon’twant to rot here. There’s nothing…” He looked around the near-empty street. “There’s nothing for you here.”
A surge of feelings rose up in my chest like a tidal wave, squeezing my lungs so hard I couldn’t breathe for a moment.
Nothing here for me?
Right, of course not. Because Cooper had seen today what Ishouldhave been, what I’d once been, before I was broken and useless and in pain all the time. Before I was the kind of person who snapped at him for asking, for checking in on me. Before I couldn’t handle something as small and trivial and sweet as slow dancing in my own living room without ruining it.
Hot tears stung at the corners of my eyes. I clenched my jaw and swallowed, willing myself not to let them fall. I wasn’t going to cry. Not in front of him.
If he didn’t want me, I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much it hurt. This was always a casual thing.
I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him. I wasn’t supposed to mistake him being sweet with everyone for feeling any particular way about me.
