“It’s not,” he agreed, sighing again, face still buried in my shoulder. “But it’s sweet. You’re sweet.”
I love you.
I swallowed the urge to say that aloud back down. Felix didn’t need any pressure from me. He was under enough.
All the same, the thought curled up under my heart. A warm weight, like a glass marble that’d been left in the sun for a while, just big enough to feel the pressure of it.
The first song faded into a second 80s prom night classic. We turned a slow circle, Felix’s head still resting against me, the shape of his body pressed to mine. Breathing together.Together,in a quiet, easy way that made all the sense in the world to me.
I was exactly where I was meant to be. I could almost believe everything that’d happened to me over the past year had been leading up to this. That the universe always knew where I was going, and this was where it’d led me.
Felix lifted his head as the song ended. For a handful of heartbeats, he just stared at me, the unbelievable blue of his eyes a thin ring around wide pupils.
His fingers threaded into the back of my hair, slow, careful movements. As though the moment might break if he handled it too roughly.
I felt the same way, and I didn’t want to risk it.
Fireworks burst against the back of my skull as he kissed me, the sparks trickling down my spine in a cascade of warm light. It wasn’t that every kiss with Felix hadn’t been great, but this one wasdifferent,somehow. We’d crossed a threshold somewhere, like in one of the books Benji loved about finding hidden doors in the woods and stumbling into magical lands.
I hummed as Felix gave me a shove toward the couch, letting him back me up until my legs hit the edge of the cushions andit was sit or fall. I dragged him with me, not wanting to let go of him for a second.
He landed in my lap with a hiss, fingers tightening hard around my arm.
I’d hurt him. I’d pulled him down without thinking, and I’d hurt him.
“Dammit,” he said, scrambling off me to flop on his back, pulling the knee of his injured leg up to his chest.
“I’m—”
Felix waved his hand, cutting me off. “I’m fine,” he gasped. “I’m fine.”
But hewasn’tfine, and I had no idea what to do about it.
“I’m okay,” Felix said before I could ask, gingerly unfolding himself. He wriggled his socked toes, sitting up slowly, panting for breath.
You’re nothovered on the tip of my tongue, but I remembered how he’d reacted last time I pointed that out before I actually said it aloud. I didn’t want to make things worse.
Felix sat back on the couch, sinking deep into the aging cushions, both hands covering his face.
I still didn’t know what to do. Instead of hovering, I got up and picked up our ice cream bowls and empty takeout containers, tidying up. That was useful, at least. That was something.
When I ran out of things to clear away, I turned back to the couch to find Felix watching me. The living room wasn’t so well-lit that I could be sure, but his eyes seemed a little red.
My heart hurt. I wished I could wave a magic wand and fix everything for him.
I shuffled over to the couch, hovering a beat before sitting down beside him.
“Well, that was one way to nuke the mood from orbit,” Felix said, scratching at the cushion between us with one finger. “As Avery would say.”
“I’m still here.” I shrugged.
Felix turned to look at me. The corner of his lips twitched. It was a little too small to call a smile, but it might’ve grown up to be one, one day.
“You’re not exactly rushing to pick up where we left off.”
Because I don’t want to hurt you, I didn’t admit. True or not, I doubted he’d appreciate it.
Instead, I leaned over, touching my fingers to his cheek to turn his head so I could kiss him.
