“Hi,” I said.
“Hi,” Felix replied, his voice sleep-rough, eyelids heavy. I brushed another escaped strand of hair back, letting my touch linger this time. “Didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“Wore you out,” I teased. We’d gotten up to clean up, after a while, but it’d been the minimum we could get away with before we’d both curled up together again. I couldn’t speak for Felix, but for me it was less physical exhaustion and more emotional. Tonight had been… a lot.
I didn’t regret a second of it, but I was still processing.
“You did,” he said, eyes falling closed again.
I brushed my thumb over his lips. They curved under my touch. Smiles were less startling on Felix now, since I’d seen so many of them, but they weren’t any less beautiful. I loved making him smile.
I loved…
A lot.
About him.
I swallowed, wetting my lips. I didn’t want to say what I had to next, but I did have to say it.
“I gotta get home.”
Felix’s smile took on a wry twist, just for a split second. It faded into something softer, but I knew I was disappointing him.
It was just that my life wasn’t my own. Not wholly, not anymore.
“I know,” he said, and I could hear in his voice the way he was biting back a sigh. “Give Benji my love,” he added. “Imustlove him if I’m willing to give you up for his benefit.”
That made me smile. Felixdidlove Benji. I figured he saw his younger self in him, to some degree, but they’d also just… bonded. Benji had always been enthusiastic about ballet—after Laura died, it’d been about the one thing he really wanted to do, something to bribe him to keep going with. Since Felix had arrived, though, there was a light in Benji’s eyes that I’d never seen before.
“Believe me when I say he feels the same way about you,” I said. “You’re good with kids.”
I was stalling. I knew I was stalling. Ihadto leave.
But not yet.
“Mm?” Felix’s eyes fluttered open again, peering at me from under his ridiculously long lashes.
“They respond to you like you’re the goddamn pied piper,” I said, smile widening as I stroked Felix’s hair again. Just another few minutes.
Felix’s half-smile widened, stretching across his face. I ran my hand down to brush my thumb over the edge of it, wanting to sear the shape into my memory.
This was the best moment I’d had since I got the call about Laura. I wanted as much of it as I could get.
“Back in New York, Piotr let me take charge of a production ofThe Nutcrackerfor the under 16s,” he said. “By which I meanhe palmed it off on me so he wouldn’t have to bother. He hated kids. I mean, he understood that anyone who wants to be really professionallygoodat ballet has to start before 12, well before, ideally, but he… he hated imperfection. Anyway. I loved doing it. That’s why I’m here.”
“Oh?”
“Amelia promised me I could teach kids,” he said. “It… it was the first thing I’dwantedto do, since…”
I nodded, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I get it,” I said, and then, to lighten the mood, “The Nutcracker’s my favorite.”
“Mine too,” Felix said. “I don’t know why I’m surprised you have favorites. You sit and watch them with Benji, don’t you?”
“At least a couple of nights a week.”
“You’ve watched my performances,” Felix added, eyes opening all the way now, looking into mine.
I nodded. I’d said so, but it clearly hadn’t really registered before. I watched his expression change as he made the connection, eyes wide and darting over my face.
