“Uh…”
“You’ve been humming to yourself since you got in this morning,” Dad continued.
Oh. Had I?
Dad hummed a few bars of a song I immediately recognized.
“Spandau Ballet?” he said, brow raised.
Yeah. That was it. I could see how I’d gotten from Felix to there, which made it a little damning.
“It’s a nice morning.” I looked back at the car as, tapping my wrench against the coolant tank. Which Dad would know didn’t count as working on it.
If my ears actually caught fire, I wouldn’t be all that surprised right now.
Dad snorted. “Coop, I may be old, but I’m not stupid. Or blind, yet.”
I risked a glance at him. It wasn’t as though my dad didn’t know I was gay, and it wasn’t as though he’d ever given any indication that made him love me any less—or that he thought much about it at all, really—but I couldn’t help the squirming feeling in the pit of my stomach, as though I’d been caught doing something wrong.
It wasn’t because Felix was a man. It was because Felix was anyone at all. I didn’t?—
“Benji went to bed just fine,” Dad continued. “He was exhausted from the excitement and dropped right off halfway through a story I was telling him about ballet-dancing cowboys who rodedinosaurs, which is a shame, because I think I really had a good one going there. He didn’t even ask me any questions about it.”
My lips twitched. I’d always loved Dad’s bedtime stories.
“It’s okay that you did something for yourself,” Dad said, voice gentle.
The knot in the pit of my stomach released so suddenly I was glad I had a grip on the Mazda’s front bumper. I hadn’t quite realized that was what was bothering me, but now that Dad had said it aloud—and told me it was okay—I could see why I’d been so reluctant to have it mentioned.
I turned to look at him, drawing a breath that felt like the first one that’d filled my lungs all morning.
“I had a nice night,” I admitted.Nicedidn’t begin to cover it. I’d walked home after midnight, grinning like an idiot up at the sky and laughing to myself.
It’d been a long time since I’d felt like that. As though my chest was full of warm cotton wool, as though I could’ve reached out and plucked one of the stars out of the sky and tucked it in my pocket.
I couldn’t have said what it was about Felix, but something about him was magnetic. Not just that, but when I was around him, I felt… content. Settled.
It was a strange feeling, especially with someone I’d only known a handful of days. All the same, there was no point pretending I didn’t feel it.
It was a crush, I figured. Nothing more complicated than that. Now that I wasn’t fifteen anymore, crushes were fun. That was all.
Dad broke into a warm smile, his crow’s feet deepening. “Good. You deserved it.”
Did I?
“Coop,” Dad added, voice suddenly sterner. “Let me say that again so it sinks in. You deserved it. More than that, youneedit. You’ve been there for Benji every minute he’s needed you, and that’s a good thing. You’re a good boy for that. But he can’t be the only thing in your life forever. He’ll grow up, and then you won’t have anything.”
“I’ve got this.” I waved my wrench around the shop. “More than enough to keep anyone busy.”
“This is work,” Dad said. “Not life.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond to that.
Thankfully, the sound of the door squealing open saved me from having to think up a response.
“Coop!” Benji called out, coming at me in a blur of limbs and hurling himself at my legs, throwing his arms around them.
The smile I gave him was automatic and wide enough to make my face pull. He was my life. I didn’t regret that. I loved him so much.
