So if it wasn’t a dream, why the hell was Muriel, of all people, worried about everyone knowing my business?
“I know what people say about me,” Muriel said. “I’m a gossip-mongering homewrecker who delights in other people’s misfortune and sometimes causes it.”
I wasn’t sure what to say to that, so I didn’t say anything.
“Maybe I am all those things,” Muriel went on. “Sometimes, for some people. But not for you, not for this.”
I still wasn’t sure what to say.
“I was proud of you,” she added. “When you told Brady exactly where he could stick it. I thought you were so brave. I wished I’d been brave like you at your age. Maybe I would’ve lived a happier life. As it is, it took me a long time to turn into the cranky old lady you see before you.”
“You’re not old,” I said reflexively.
Murielwasn’told, though. She was older than me, but not old. Not yet. There was so much life in her.
She raised an eyebrow. “You’re a sweet boy,” she said. “But we’re not talking about me. I’ll understand if you’re not ready to trust me, but if you wanted to talk…”
As it turned out, I did want to talk. I started out by saying I didn’t, but then the whole story came pouring out of me anyway. Milo’s dad, and the things he’d done. Dante’s stupid idea that this could be a nice safe fling where no one got hurt—which was why I wasn’t telling all this tohim, because it wasn’t his fault, and I knew it wasn’t, and I didn’t want to say anything I’d regret. I told Muriel about Brady and about Milo and how it felt to be with him, how it felt like nothing I’d ever had before. How losing it felt like I was dying, like it was impossible to process the scale of what I’d lost.
How I didn’t want him to go, how I didn’t want him to be gone.
And she listened. She listened without interrupting, without looking bored or checking her watch or even tapping her fingers on the table.
And when I was done my throat was raw and there was still a mug of tea in my hands, so I sipped it.
“You love him,” Muriel said while I was drinking.
I nodded. I probably hadn’t said it in so many words while I was talking, but I did love him. Even now. That was the worst thing. Milohadhurt me, but he hadn’t done it on purpose. I could seeI love youwritten in every word of the note he’d left, not just the last line. He was trying to do the right thing by me.
It was the opposite of what I wanted, but I didn’t even blame him.
“Do you still want him?” Muriel asked.
“Yes,” I said without hesitation. What I wanted most in the world right now was for Milo to walk through the bakery door. He wouldn’t even need to apologize. Coming back would be apology enough.
I just wanted to hug him tight and smell his cologne and feel like everything was right in the world, like it always did when he was within touching distance.
“Well honey, if I've learned one thing in life, it's that you have to go after the things you want. No one’s gonna hand anything to you. Don't you think Milo's worth going after?”
I looked up at her. Honestly, I hadn’t even thought ofgoing afterhim. How would I do that?
“I have a friend in Seattle I haven’t seen in a long time,” Muriel went on. “Tomorrow morning seems like the perfect time to head out on a visit, don’t you think? The weather’s just right for a road trip this time of year. If you wanted to keep me company?”
I swallowed. Muriel was offering to take me? All the way to Seattle?
“Why…?”
I didn’t know how to ask the question I wanted to, so I’d just have to hope she understood.
“When I was about your age, I let the love of my life walk away from me without a fight,” Muriel said. “I ran into him in a grocery store in a small town a little less than a year ago, recently divorced, and as soon as I saw him I knew I’d spent the last twenty years lonely for nothing. I was still in love with him. And then I got into a fight with his ex-wife in a bakery. You might remember.” She smiled wryly.
“I remember,” I said. As first impressions went, it was hard to forget.
I realized then that I’d judged her on that first impression and never given her a second chance, and I felt guilty. She’d never been anything but kind to me, not really.
She’d…
She’d been trying to be my friend.
