I promised myself right then and there that I was bringing him flowers again before I left.
“Dawn let you play florist?” he asked, still looking at them like I’d handed him something rare and precious.
“She has to, older brother privilege,” I joked. “I got to see the twins this morning.”
“Yeah?” Xander broke into a smile. “Dawn showed me a picture from her first ultrasound when she went for it, but they hadn’t figured out the twins thing yet. Honestly, I couldn’t figureanythingout from it.”
I laughed at that. “The ultrasound tech was very helpful. Otherwise, same.”
I’d come in here to apologize for last night, but it felt ridiculous now to have worried. We’d just had our first tiny misunderstanding.
Still, though. I owed it to Xander to explain myself, and apologize.
“When’s she due?” Xander asked before I could decide exactly what to say. I’d come in here expecting to grovel, but of course he wasn’t making me do that. He’d probably been just as scared as I was.
“A little over four weeks,” I said. “Guess I’ll have to come back and see them later.”
I was still processing the fact that my baby sister was having a baby of her own.Twobabies of her own. That was bound to be a handful.
Maybe it wasn’t the worst thing that her friend Roxie obviously had a thing for her. At least she’d have someone who wanted to help.
She’d have Xander, too, I thought. She’d told me about so many things he’d done to help her out.
It hadn’t made me feel any less guilty for last night.
“How do you feel about the kids?”
I shrugged. “They’re not my kids, but… I dunno. I’m hoping to somehow figure out how to be a cool uncle, but that would involve figuring out how to becoolfirst, so…”
“I think you’re cool,” Xander murmured, sipping his coffee.
There was my opening.
“Listen—”
“Look—”
We both laughed nervously.
“You first,” Xander offered. “I skipped breakfast so I’m gonna eat while you talk.”
“I wanted to apologize for last night. For running off on you. It’s not that… I just…”
Xander swallowed his first mouthful of brownie while I was trying to figure out exactly what I’d been planning to say. That I did really like him, but unfortunately, I was a coward?
“It’s not you who needs to apologize,” he said quietly, wrapping both hands around his coffee. “I’m the one who screwed up and I spent all night with my stomach in knots thinking about what you must have thought of me. Dante’s been… no, I mean, it’s not his fault either, I’m the one who…” he sighed. “Sorry. I’ve been thinking about this so much that it’s hard to say it now. I was scared you’d never speak to me again.”
“I’m not that easy to get rid of,” I said, smiling wryly and taking a sip of my own coffee. My lip throbbed again as it made contact with the cup.
I wanted to tell him I didn’t hate it, so he knew, but I didn’t know where that would leave us. Averting disaster this time felt like a lucky escape.
“Well, good,” Xander said. “I let Dante talk me into thinking that, umm. That while you were here… this is embarrassing in the cold light of day, but his idea was that, y’know, you were… safe. You wouldn’t hurt me. So it’d be okay if we…”
I nodded to save him from having to spell it out, which he was obviously struggling to do. It was nice not to be alone in being a little awkward. “I get it,” I said. “My best friend, Zara, told me I had to get laid while I was away or they’d reissue my v-card.”
Xander choked on a mouthful of coffee, but once he’d managed to swallow, he laughed. Good. That was what I’d been aiming for.
“Harsh,” he said. “Same though.”
