“I mean this in the nicest possible way, but I can tell by looking at you.”
I rubbed my eyes self-consciously. “That bad, huh?”
Xander sat back, sinking into the plush, velvet-upholstered booth seats like a medieval king. Wearing a baker’s uniform.
It was a slightly confused image, but it encouraged me to lean back as well. My eyes closed the moment my head hit the backrest.
“You’re about to take a nap in a coffee shop,” Xander pointed out.
“Mm,” I agreed. “Wake me when there’s caffeine.”
Xander chuckled, but then he really did fall silent. I hadn’t meant for him to, but at the same time, it wasn’t an awkward silence at all. It was the same kind of comfortable I always felt when I talked with him.
Sometimes, late at night, when I was eating out of a takeout container in my office, he’d send me little kitten updates and tell me about things he saw on an evening walk or morning run. And sometimes, the conversation tapered off, but I left my phone there with it open, and it felt like he was keeping me company.
I could never tell him that. It was so obvious I was a lot more invested in this relationship than he was.
It was just that I didn’t have a whole lot of time to have any kind of relationship with anyone else. That I hadn’t had the time in longer than I wanted to admit.
And he washot. And he had a smile that made me want to smile back.
I should’ve known he’d have a smile like that. I should’ve known that he’d be actually perfect.
“Coffee,” Xander said eventually, and I opened my eyes in time to see Dante setting a cup of coffee that smelled incredible down in front of me. He came back a moment later with brownies, and my stomach reminded me more loudly than I would have liked that I’d skipped lunch.
“I wanted to apologize,” Xander spoke up again, wrapping his hands around his coffee cup. “For not telling you I knew you’d come by my bakery last night. I… you’re so… and I’m… it… caught me off guard.”
I nodded, rearranging my brownie with the cute brass teaspoons on the table out of habit. There was a light sprinkling of lavender buds—I could identify edible flowers just fine—on top, so the flavor wasn’t quite the mystery it might have been.
“I won’t think it’s rude if you take a photo,” Xander said. “I know it’s like, your thing. Actually kinda curious to see it happen.”
I hadn’t realized I’d been tensing my shoulders, but they relaxed at hearing that, and I even felt myself smiling wryly as I took my phone out to set up a shot. I’d gotten so used to doing this that I always felt guilty taking a bite out of my food before I’d taken a photo, in case the first bite ruined it.
Once I had a couple of shots, I set my phone down and turned my attention back to Xander, who was smiling at me.
“Do you know you poke the tip of your tongue out between your lips while you do that?” he asked.
And I was blushing again.
“It’s adorable,” he added. “You looked so focused.”
I picked my coffee up and held it protectively in front of me, taking in the rounded scent with the barest hint of lavender.
“Sorry, I was meant to be apologizing,” Xander said. “I’m so sorry. I was scared I wouldn’t be what you expected in real life, and you’re my friend, and I didn’t want that to change. I still don’t want that to change. And it is actually pretty cool to meet you for real.”
“Yeah?” I asked.
I’d thoughtI’dbeen the disappointment. Xander was completely perfect. He fostered kittens and went for morning runs and he was… beautiful, actually, in the way Instagram models were beautiful, except he didn’t need to be careful about his angles and lighting, and his fingers were a little rough, and he had a streak of flour in his hair and it just made him look sexier. Also, everyone in town clearly loved him.
I was…
An overworked glorified salesman with a sugar habit that made me softer around the waist than I thought was maximally attractive. I was awkward and Xander was one of literally two friends I had in the whole world.
I was alotcooler on Instagram than I was in real life.
“I thought maybe you didn’t mention it because I was kind of a disappointment,” I said, which felt equal parts brave and like a terrible idea. In the interest of not saying anything else I’d instantly regret, I picked up my brownie.
Xander laughed. “You? Definitely not.”
