A month ago, yeah, maybe.
But now?
Did it matter? I wasn’t in a position to negotiate. There were a hundred people who’d be happy to take my spot and fifty of them would probably be better at it.
“Well, we’re all naked under our clothes,” I said, too slow, hoping the tremble in my voice at the thought of it would sound like something the phone signal was doing.
Ward—who I’d wandered closer to subconsciously while I’d been talking—raised an eyebrow.
I reached out for his hand.
It was easier to breathe with his fingers curled around mine.
“I’ll put you down as a yes, then,” Ms. Mayweather said. “Could you come in for an audition Tuesday? We’re looking to get this off the ground as soon as possible.”
“I, uh…” I looked down at my hand, and Ward’s wrapped around it, and then up at his face.
Tuesday was cruelly soon.
I’d known from the beginning that I couldn’t keep this, but I’d thought maybe I could have it for a little while. At least until I felt like I was back on my feet.
Now I felt as if someone had pulled the ground out from under me, like they were doing a party trick with a tablecloth. I was still upright, but I’d felt the short, sharp change.
“Tuesday looked good on your calendar from my end,” Astrid prompted. “We were thinking afternoon?”
“And we’ll take you all to dinner after, of course. Think of the audition as a formality to be a hundred percent sure you fit with the core cast, but really, you’re the one we want,” Ms. Mayweather added.
This really was it. The big break.
Tuesday.
I wanted time to think, but I knew I’d already used all of it up. I didn’t believe for a second that they’d still want me if I turned out not to be the most convenient person in the world. If I wasn’t desperate, if I wasn’t in a position where I had to agree to anything because it was this or nothing.
I didn’t work in a world of second chances. People like me didn’t even getfirstchances, most of the time.
“Tuesday’s fine,” I said, closing my eyes against the sick, dizzy feeling of the whole world swaying under my feet.
Ward squeezed my hand, and the world stopped swaying. Everything was okay as long as Ward was holding my hand.
This was not the best possible moment to realize I’d fallen in love with him all over again.
“Great, looking forward to meeting you,” Ms. Mayweather said.
“Yeah, umm…” I drifted off distractedly as Ward started playing with my fingers, separating them out and stroking each one as though he’d never seen a human hand before. “I… looking forward to it.”
“I’ll email you your flight details. Bye sweetie,” Astrid said.
The line went dead, and I took what felt like the first breath in ten minutes.
Ward turned my hand over and kissed my palm, glancing up at me through lowered lashes. I didn’t know what had gotten into him, but I also didn’t want it to stop. Even if a whole bunch of teenagers were probably watching us right now and I’d never live this down with them.
“Tuesday,” I said.
Ward nodded. “Caught most of that,” he said, linking our fingers together again and meeting my eyes directly.
“It’s a golden opportunity,” I added.
I wasn’t sure who I was trying to convince, here.
