Well, Ihadjust been thinking that I wanted to help, hadn’t I?
“Why not?” I said, smiling at the way every one of those faces lit up.
I could see why Seth did this. It was nice to feel wanted.
Seth nudged me, beaming at me as well, and I couldn’t help feeling good about agreeing to help out. What was the point of having learned as much as I had if I couldn’t throw a ladder down to someone else, anyway?
Besides, these kids were great, and I secretly wanted to hang out with them a little more. They were still young enough toenjoythe thing I’d turned into my job, and I envied them, and part of me thought that maybe they could help me remember why I ever wanted to do this at all.
“Hey, Mr. White?” Kendra said, looking up from her phone again. “You’re pretty cool.”
“Please call me Ryder,” I said. “I feel old enough around you guys already.”
“You are really old though,” Benvolio—actual name Aiden—said without even looking up from his phone.
I laughed. Maybe another time I would have been insulted, maybe coming from someone else it would’ve been a reminder that I was pushing thirty and I hadn’t really gotten anywhere yet.
But right now, it was funny.
Probably because I was in such a good mood.
My mind kept drifting back to Ward while Seth stole half of my second slice of toast and I retaliated by nabbing the last bite of his croissant. Would he still be in bed when I got back? Could we just pick up where we left off?
It was so easy to imagine climbing the stairs to find him sprawled out on the bed, sheets just covering enough to keep me curious. I could see myself padding over to the bed, keeping as quiet as possible, watching him sleep for a minute. Would he sense me coming close and wake? Or could I just crawl back into bed with him and curl up in his arms without disturbing him?
“You’re thinking about Ward again,” Seth said.
Was I so obvious?
“I remember that look,” he added. “It hasn’t changed. You’ve always had the same look on your face when you think about him.”
I sighed. Yeah, I wassoobvious. Always had been. Except, apparently, to Ward.
I guessed that was because we’d been hiding how we felt from each other, so we hadn’t been looking too closely, either.
“I—”
I cut myself off, realizing at the last second what I’d been about to say. Out loud. In front of a whole gaggle of teenagers.AndSeth.
Seth’s eyes lit up. Evidently I hadn’t cut myself off fast enough.
“So are we talking little-L love, like I love you, or are we talking big-L love, like I love Mark?”
Thankfully, the kids were talking amongst themselves, ignoring the two old guys. I wasn’t sure I would’ve survived interrogation by teenager right now.
“Dunno,” I said, staring down into my empty coffee cup.
Except I did know. I just didn’t want to say it out loud—I didn’t even want tothinkit—because…
… because I was terrified.
Seth nodded, but it was a nod that said loud and clear that he’d seen right through me.
“Well, I’m only a text away when you figure it out. Or if you need help figuring it out.”
“Yeah?” I asked.
Seth snorted. “Obviously. What did I just say? I love you. I’m always only a text away. For anything.”
