His career was about as well-equipped to weather a storm like this as a two-hundred-year-old wooden shed that hadn’t collapsed yet because the termites were holding hands.
“You worked your ass off for this,” I said. “And I didn’t get to be there to help with any of it. But I’m here now, and I can help, and I want to. Please, Ryder. You don’t have to be in this alone.”
By now Ryder was pacing up and down the porch, weaving his way around the furniture like he’d lived here longer than I had, biting his thumbnail. He’d always done that. I knew what it meant.
“You can’t do it,” Ryder said all of a sudden, turning to face me again. “You just… can’t.”
“Can’t I?” I asked, squaring my shoulders. “What makes you think I can’t?”
“You’re not an actor and you’re not my boyfriend and no person in their right mind would want to be,” Ryder said. “I’m deep enough in the shit right now without it coming out that Ialsopretended to be dating my best friend for… publicity? The sake of not looking like I’m spiraling out of control? Whatever Astrid thinks this is going to accomplish.”
“So you’re scared we’ll get caught?”
This time, the look Ryder gave me said everything. The fear in his eyes hit me like a baseball bat to the chest.
Before I’d made a conscious decision to move I was standing in front of him, hand already halfway between us.
All I wanted was to make this okay. I’d never been able to stand the thought of Ryder upset.
“I’m scared you’ll hate me, I’m scared of getting caught, I’m scared of dragging you into this mess. It’s not your problem.”
“It’s my problem if it’s your problem,” I said, hand still hovering. I wanted to touch him more than anything right now. Just so he’d know I was here. “We won’t get caught.”
Ryder raised an eyebrow, glancing between my outstretched hand and my face. “We won’t?”
“No, we won’t,” I said. “Kiss me again.”
“Kiss you again?” Ryder repeated, and if I’d thought he was looking at me like I’d lost my mind before, it was nothing compared to now.
“I’ll prove it to you,” I said, hoping I sounded more confident than I felt. “That we won’t get caught. That I can do it.”
“Ward, it’s not about—”
Ryder went quiet as the tips of my fingers brushed his jaw, lips parting on reflex. I’d always thought he had the most incredible eyes, and with the sun hitting them just right, I couldn’t make myself look away.
“I’m not gonna hurt you,” I murmured, stroking my thumb along his cheekbone. “I’m not gonna screw this up. I want…”
Tell him,the part of my brain that wasn’t a coward screamed at me.Tell him you want to kiss him anyway.
But Ryder didn’t need to hear that right now. He’d had a hard enough few days without me dumping a crush as old as an entry-level single malt on top of him.
Besides, who knew if that was really what I wanted anymore? I sure as hell didn’t. All I was sure of was that I wanted to help. Every other feeling I had was a mess, but that one was clear.
“Finally,” a voice called from the edge of the woods.
Oh no.
Dad was home.
5
Ryder
I’d never moved as fastin my life as I did jumping away from Ward at the sound of his dad’s voice.
Had he been about to kiss me?
I wasn’t sure if I was grateful for or mad at the interruption.
