“I know.” Ward smiled above me, and his eyes were so soft and warm that I wanted to dive into them and take a nap.
My own laughter rang in my ears as we stood there, looking up at the stars. Other people giggled and sang and stumbled their way along the street, herded by designated drivers like so many cats.
I was free. I wasfree, for the first time ever. Everyone knew I was gay. I never had to pretend again.
The rest of my life was a disaster right now, but that part felt good.
“I’m gay,” I said.
“Also knew that.” Ward nodded, putting a steadying hand on my hip. I hummed as his body heat seeped through my clothes, giving myself just a couple of seconds to enjoy it.
He’d been so gentle with me. So good, so kind. I hadn’t had goodness or kindness like this in so long that I could feel my soul soaking it up like it’d been wandering the desert for a thousand years.
“Now everyone does.” I sighed.
That was… good. Itwouldbe good. I couldn’t have hidden it forever. Enough of my life had been spent having to.
“Thank you,” I said after a moment, turning around to look up at Ward. I wasn’t a small man by any possible definition of the word, but he made me feel as small as the stars above our heads did. Not in a scared way, though. In a safe way.
Of course he did. He’d always taken care of me.
“For?” Ward asked, the eyebrow with the tiny scar through it raised. I remembered him getting that scar, falling out of a tree we’d been play-fighting in. I still hadn’t forgiven myself for it, except now maybe I could, because it was a little sexy.
More than a little.
Ward as a whole package was more than a little sexy.
“This,” I said, gesturing at the crowd still filtering out of the bar. “Coming with me tonight. Giving me space to breathe. For… for being here for me, even after all this time, even after I…”
Left, I didn’t say. I knew it was a stupid thing to apologize for—I’d had a life to live, and Ward was right about Otter Bay being too small for me back then.
But I’d missed him, and I should’ve kept in touch. He was the best friend I’d ever had, maybe theonlyfriend I had left. Everyone else had dropped me like the proverbial hot potato.
Ward was still here, though. He’d always been here. He’d never left.
He licked his lips, and I watched his tongue with way,waymore interest than I was supposed to.
I wanted to kiss him.
My hand moved ahead of my brain, the pad of my thumb scraping along day-old stubble that sent a cascade of happy little sparks bouncing down my arm and all the way into the pit of my stomach.
Ward gasped as I leaned in, a sweet little sound that made me smile, and then our mouths were touching and the rest of the world faded into the background as I licked the taste of the lemonade he’d been drinking all night off his lips.
I’d made a name for myself making kisses look good in movies, but I didn’t care how this one looked. It’d been so long since I’d kissed someone I even liked, and I couldn’t help a soft, needy whimper as I pressed forward, sliding my lips over Ward’s and sinking into the warmth of his mouth.
I’d been dreaming about this since I was fifteen and it was so much better than I’d ever imagined it could be.
A wolf-whistle from the crowd walking away startled me back to reality, blood pounding in my ears as I realized what I’d done, pulling back so fast I nearly tripped over my own feet to put some distance between us.
“I’m sorry,” I said, panic rising in my throat.
What the hell was I doing?
Ward was straight, for a start, and even if he wasn’t I couldn’t afford to ruin the last friendship I was clinging to like Leonardo DiCaprio clinging to the edge of a makeshift raft inTitanic. Even if he wasn’t straight, he didn’t want me, he’dneverwanted me and I couldn’t see why that would’ve changed.
Besides, Ward wanted to settle down. He’d always wanted to settle down, I was surprised he wasn’t married to his high school girlfriend with a handful of beautiful kids to be the best dad in the world to. That was his dream. Building a life here was his dream.
That was why we’d fallen out of touch in the first place. He didn’t want someone like me, someone who’d gotten out of Otter Bay the minute they could and never looked back until they were in disgrace.
