I couldn’t do that to him.
“Perfect. You really are gorgeous, you know? The gay ones always are.”
I metaphorically bit my tongue without moving a muscle. It was fine.
It was fine.
I’d known this was the kind of thing that’d happen if I ever came out. She meant well. I knew that. I’d get used to the gut-punch feeling of being reminded I was different. That I’d be perfect if only I was straight.
Behind Rita, Allison rolled her eyes. At least I wasn’t alone.
I was so honored that she’d trusted me with the knowledge that she had a girlfriend. Her position might not have been as precarious as mine, and it wasn’t like I could leak footage of a hookup, but it was still a big deal. I knew first hand what a big deal it was.
“Thank you,” I said a beat too late. “I know how to act, too.”
Rita laughed. “Of course you do! We’ve all seen your recent outing as Romeo.”
“With the squirrel?” I asked.
More laughter. “With the squirrel, but the whole thing, too. The death scene was masterful. That’s actually what finally convinced me you’d be perfect for this, you’ve got that emotional range we’re looking for. Comedy and tragedy. One of the big scenes for your character in this series is his death, we’d actually love to see your take on that today.”
“Death?” I asked.
“Oh, it’s not for three seasons, don’t worry, you’ll have your pick of new offers by the time you’re done. And who knows, if you’re popular enough… people come back to life in this kind of thing all the time, right? But it’s a really key moment that we think will play well with the audience segment you’re so popular with right now.”
“That sounds… like an interesting storyline,” I said, because it seemed like the kind of thing I was supposed to say.
“Oh itis,” Rita enthused. “After years of in-story time pining after the lead—and you’re so good at pining, I can’t wait to see what it looks like when it’s for another man—you’ll ultimately be sacrificing yourself for him. We’re thinking full dying in his arms. People will be sharing gifs of that scene for years to come.”
Oh.
Well.
I was an actor. It was… I was meant to act. It was just a story.
I must’ve been silent for too long after that, because Astrid nudged me in the ribs.
“Sorry,” I said reflexively. “I was just, uh. Thinking about my approach to something like that.”
“Ever the professional,” Rita said, like I was a twelve-year-old she wanted to encourage to be a real actor someday. “Let me introduce you to the rest of the cast, I think you’ll fit right in.”
26
Ward
“You’ve toldme everything you know about bioluminescence rather than talk about Ryder,” Dad said, setting his knife and fork down.
“Bioluminescence is fascinating,” I defended, ears getting hot under my hair.
Dad had been great today. Not that he wasn’t always great. But tonight he’d made me dinner, and he’d let me talk for over an hour about fish that harvest bioluminescent bacteria and store them in their cheeks, and the mating habits of fireflies while we ate.
“It is, and I’ve learned a lot,” Dad said. “But Ryder’s the love of your life and you let him go without a fight.”
I bit my lip, setting my own cutlery down as quietly as I could.
He was right. About the lack of fight, but also…
About the other thing. The l-word of my l-word thing.
