“See, this is why you’re weird,” he said. “Bedtime stories about horses being born out of people’s necks. That’s fucked up.”
“Do you want to hear the story, or not?” I asked as Andy threw the ball again for the dogs, who would probably never tire of having a new friend to play with.
“I wanna hear it,” Andy said, shoving his hands deep into his coat pockets. “Sorry.”
“Well, Bellerophon was Pegasus’ human half-brother, and also the only person who could ever get close enough to ride him, thanks to a golden bridle gifted to him by Athena. Anyway, they were the very best of friends from then on. Went on adventures together, the most famous of which was slaying the Chimera. I think it would be fair to say that Bellerophon gave Pegasus confidence, and I happen to know that those two are also half-brothers with the same father.” I nodded to the dogs. “I assume that’s why they’re called what they’re called.”
“Your dad’s a nerd,” Andy said, but he was smiling. “And so are you.”
“And you’re just now realizing this?” I asked.
“Not exactly,” Andy said. “I mean, I’m a nerd too, we recognize our own. I’m just saying.”
I was so grateful that he seemed to be over the shock of today’s events, at least for now, that I couldn’t bring myself to do anything but smile.
“I wanted to apologize,” I said after a pause. “For kissing you earlier. I’m sorry, I panicked, I didn’t know what to do other than go along with it.”
“What’re you apologizing for? I know what I signed up for.” Andy shrugged, looking down at his boots. “Would’ve been fine if you actually kissed me.”
“Oh, I couldn’t,” I said.
“Why? What the hell’s wrong with me?”
I wasn’t sure whether I was imagining the hurt in Andy’s voice or not, but I never wanted to hurt him. Not for anything.
“There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just too much to ask, especially when you were under so much pressure already.”
Andy stopped dead, forcing me to stop and turn so I wouldn’t rush ahead of him.
“Ivolunteered,Kit. I wanna help. I felt... I already feel like I don’t belong here and then you wouldn’t even kiss me and I thought maybe you’d changed your mind about me, maybe you didn’t want... I dunno.”
“You felt rejected,” I said, heart sinking at the thought.
I had been a terrible friend today, and in trying not to make things any worse I’d only succeeded in the opposite.
“Yeah, I guess,” Andy said, voice pitching up as he looked away from me and out into the woods, where the dogs had invented their own game after scrambling through a gap in the hedgerow. “I dunno, I know this isn’t real. I’m being stupid.”
“You are not and have never been stupid, and your feelings are very important to me,” I said.
I wanted to tell him. On and off, over the years, I’d wanted to pluck up the courage to let him know how I really felt, that I would very much have liked to be his boyfriend, to kiss him, to touch him whenever I liked without needing a reason or fearing that he might not appreciate it.
But I still couldn’tdoit, not even on my own home ground. What hope was left for me?
“I don’t want you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with,” Andy kicked at a clod of dirt, muddying his worn-through boots.
I glanced toward the house, hoping to draw some kind of comfort or courage from at least semi-familiar territory, and then back to Andy, who was still looking down at his own feet.
My body moved before my brain had time to stop it with worries and anxieties and fear of rejection.
A surge of confidence filled me as I reached out, touching the tips of my fingers to his jaw. He looked up with only the barest encouragement, warm eyes golden in the failing afternoon light.
I would kiss you hourly and still never be satisfied, I didn’t say. But perhaps it was enough to know it.
“Kit!” Mother’s voice cut across the garden, an ear-splitting screech that made me pause just a few heartbeats away from tasting Andy’s mouth for the first time.
So close. I’d been so close.
“Yes, Mother?” I asked, backing off, fighting to keep the frustration out of my voice. If she knew she’d upset me, she’d take it as a victory.
