25
Andy
Heathrow Airport wasa lot less charming the second time around. It was cold, and crowded, and loud, and it smelled weird, and there were screaming children who needed naps just about everywhere, even though it was Christmas.
Worst of all, there was no Kit. The crappy plastic seat next to me was empty, there was no one to complain to, or joke with, or talk to at all.
I hated it. I hated the lights, and the PA system announcements telling me my flight was delayed, and the knot in my stomach that I was pretty sure would be permanent now.
But I’d done the right thing, right? I’d only hold Kit back. He had responsibilities here, and he didn’t need me. I’d never fit in with his friends or his life. Even if I reallywantedto, I couldn’t have done it. They’d always know I was just some nobody kid from Brooklyn who didn’t deserve the Duke of Hartsworth and didn’t know how to be with him, anyway.
I wasn’t the quiet, well-bred arm candy who only opened my big fat mouth when I had something clever to say. I didn’t clean up nice—or at least, if I did, I didn’t know about it.
A vision of having to choose between four different forks at dinner sometime and inevitably screwing it up made my palms sweat.
No, I’d made the right call. As soon as I’d found out what Kit really was back when we’d arrived here in the first place, I’d known in my heart that I couldn’t keep him. That was part of why I’d been so mad. He was suddenly out of my reach.
I would only have screwed his life up, like his mom said, and been miserable the whole time I was doing it. Definitely better to quit while I was only a little behind.
I shoved my hands in my pockets, fingers brushing against the bell that’d fallen off the Christmas tree on my first day here.
It wasn’t much of a consolation prize.
Maybe you weresupposedto feel like you were dying when you made a good decision.
Maybe you were supposed to sit in a crappy, squeaky airport seat and think about the look on your best friend’s face when you told him you were leaving and not to follow you.
The look that said his heart was breaking because he thought you were the one person he could count on.
“Dammit,” I swore under my breath as tears welled up in my eyes. The last thing I needed was to cry. What if someone asked me what was wrong? I couldn’t handle that.
Because I was starting to thinkIwas wrong. That I shouldn’t have left Kit to fend for himself, at least.
That I shouldn’t have left Kit full stop, because I’d never find someone like him again.
And no one else would ever be what I wanted, becausehewas what I wanted. Even if he was the goddamn King of England, he’d still be what I wanted, because he’d still beKit.
None of that other crap mattered. I could learn to be whatever he needed me to be if it meant that when we were alone together we got to be Kit and Andy.
Except now he’d never want to talk to me again, because I’d left him at the worst possible moment, when he needed me most. When his whole life had been turned upside down, and I should’ve been there for him.
I was going to throw up.
I hissed as a pang of real, physical pain hit me in the chest, curling up on myself and sobbing.
Great. I was about to get myself arrested for being suspicious in an airport in a foreign country, too.
Footsteps approached, and my stomach clenched all over again. The last thing I needed was for someone to ask me why I was crying. Couldn’t they leave me alone?
Couldn’t they see my heart was shattering into a thousand pieces and I didn’t even have the strength to sweep them out of everyone else’s way?
“I’m sorry.”
Wait.
I swallowed.
I knew that voice. But. It couldn’t...
