“I know.” I said, covering the hand on my jaw, squeezing his fingers. “It’s okay. You’ve said it a hundred times, you don’t have to say the words.”
“Can I, though?” Hayden asked. “Just this once?”
It’d break me if he did, but I knew how much effort it took for him. I couldn’t turn that kind of effort down, not from Hayden.
I nodded.
Hayden smiled a tiny, sad smile, eyes glistening with unshed tears as he searched my face, bracing himself to say what he was about to.
“Wes,” he said, letting his hand fall away and linking our fingers together. “I love you.”
Even through a second wave of tears, I couldn’t help loving the smile spreading across his face or the way my heart swelled at hearing that.
I kissed him again, harder this time, with a hint of teeth and a tiny fraction of the need and love I wanted him to feel from me.
“I love you, too,” I whispered against his lips, just as the boarding announcement for his flight sounded overhead.
“Come to New York,” Hayden said. “Give me, like, a week to get things under control, and then come to New York. I’ll buy you a ticket, you’ll stay with me, I’ll make sure Dad gives you the time off. Please? Just say you’ll think about it?”
“I’ll come,” I promised.
Scary as the thought was—I’d never left the coast of Oregon before—I would’ve done anything for Hayden. Always, but right now more than ever. Anything to make this easier for both of us.
“Then this isn’t goodbye,” Hayden said. “This is see you in a little while.”
I made almost the same snort-sob sound Hayden had a minute ago and wrapped my arms around him before I could think better of it. If I wasn’t getting another chance for atleasta week, I wanted a hug now.
“Take care of yourself,” I said, backing off, wiping tears away from my face with the back of my sleeve.
“I don’t have to,” Hayden said softly, unzipping his flight bag and holding it open for me to look inside.
Otto was right there, on the top, still holding his tiny firework.
“Otto’s in charge of taking care of me,” Hayden continued.
This time I reallydidlaugh, and I remembered Marissa doing the same thing over the phone when Hayden had been calming her down.
His dad was wrong. Hayden wasjustlike him. Warm, kind, wise and, despite appearances, charismatic. It was a quieter kind of charisma, but it was there.
He just didn’t have a lot of chances to show it.
“You’d better do a good job,” I said, pointing a finger at Otto. “Hayden means a lot to me.”
“You mean a lot to me, too,” Hayden said, pecking me on the nose before backing off as another boarding announcement sounded over our heads. “I’ll see you soon.”
I watched him until he disappeared in the crowd, frozen to the spot, and then headed for my truck again, sitting down in the driver’s seat to pull myself together.
I’d let go of his hand, and now he was floating away.
My phone vibrated in my pocket.
Mr. Fuckable:I have to turn off my phone now, but I just wanted to say
Mr. Fuckable:I love you
I could’ve cried all over again. I took a screenshot of the conversation, just in case Ididdelete the hookup app without thinking.
OverEasy:I love you, too
