I had…
Home. Devin told me to go home.
Maybe that was the best solution.
“Sorry. Carter woke up.”
“I heard. Appreciate you taking the time away from him for me.”
“You’re my best friend,” Aiden said, warm affection so thick in his voice that it made me bite my lip. “I’ll always make time for you.Always. Even if you insult my little brother.”
“I didn’t mean to insult him,” I said.
“No, I figured. When you mean to insult someone, they know it. They might notunderstandit, but they know the tone. But Devin’s been training for this competition for maybe a year? It’s not stupid to him.”
“I know that. I know it’s not. I just don’t want him todiebecause his asshole ex-boyfriend made him feel like he wasn’t good enough just the way he is.”
“Jesus, Brad.” Aiden sighed. “Does he not have the most punchable face you’ve ever seen?”
That was enough to make me laugh. At least I wasn’t theonlyone who hated Brad.
“Pretty much,” I agreed.
But Devin went with Brad a few minutes ago instead of staying with me.
“Hey, Morgan?” Aiden asked, and I couldhearhim biting his lip. “Can I offer you some advice?”
“Sure. Can’t make any of this anyworse.”
“If Devin magically appeared in front of you right now, what would you tell him?”
“Sorry,” I said.Obviously, I’d apologize. If he ever gave me a chance to.
“For?” Aiden asked. “Because I feel like that’s, y’know, the important part of all this.”
Aiden was right. WhatwasI apologizing for? For being an asshole, obviously, but…
What did I really think?DidI think this competition was stupid?
I thought it was less important than Devin’s life, for sure, andIwould never have risked his life for it.
But then I wouldn’t have risked his life for anything. And Devin, Devinlikedrisking his life. He’d told me this was the kind of thing that made him feel in control, and I’d forgotten that.
This was important to him. This kind of thing wouldalwaysbe important to him.
And if I wanted to keep him, I’d have to get used to sitting by the sidelines and hoping he’d be okay. Worrying about him.
Could I do that?
“Devin’s still standing there,” Aiden prompted. “Be honest, because if you start lying now…”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.”
Be honest.
Well. The honest truth was, it didn’t really matter whether or not I could watch Devin do thingsIthought were too risky. He was a risk-taker. He always would be.
The question was whether I could live withnotdoing it. With not having him in my life because I couldn’t handle this.
