“And then they started again,” Morgan said, clearly having put the puzzle together by now.
“Right,” I agreed. “Hence dropping out. Mom, Aiden, and Kieran knew, but I swore them to secrecy and I figured no one else would notice that I’d only been gone for three semesters. I tried to ride it out, I really did, but it was just somuch, and I was so far away from home, and—”
“Shh,” Morgan soothed, sliding his arm around my shoulders under the blanket. “You don’t need to justify yourself to me. You were brave going in the first place.”
“I didn’tfeelthat way when I got back. But at some point while I was wallowing in self-pity and only rolling out of bed to grab junk food, I told Aiden about the chrysanthemum. The one that meant, y’know,don’t worry, be happy. And he promised me that if I got out of bed, got dressed, and went for a walk around the neighborhood every day for a month, he’d tattoo one for me. And he came over every single day, for a month, and made sure I did it,” I said, tearing up at the memory.
“Kieran figured out what was going on a week in and came with us, and we went on these walks, and Aiden showed me drawings and color schemes every day. It was just this… thing I was working toward. So now it’s a reminder of that time. Of how much my brothers love me.”
“They do love you,” Morgan confirmed. “Aiden never shuts up about you.”
I snorted. “Bullshit.”
“Not bullshit. I hear every one of your adventure stories from him before I hear them from you.”
“And you’ve been listening politely all this time?” I asked.
Morgan shrugged. “You tell ‘em better.”
I wasn’t sure that was true, but I appreciated Morgan saying it.
“It makes me feel in control,” I said. “The risky stuff. I mean, it started out that way, anyway. I got to strap a cord to my ankles and jump off a bridge, and I knew it wouldn’t kill me. I like… I like the feeling of being able to trust my body. For a long time, the only time I ever felt really calm was when I was in freefall. It’s different now, but I stillneedit. As a reminder that I’m okay, I’m still here, I’m in control. Maybe that sounds ridiculous, I dunno.”
“It doesn’t sound ridiculous,” Morgan said. “I’m honored you’re telling me this.”
I sniffed, wiping away the tears that’d welled up in my eyes. I could hardly believe I was telling Morgan all this, but I’d given up on trying to hide all my rough edges so he’dlikeme.
I just wanted to be closer to him.
“Your turn?” I said. The last thing I wanted right now was for this to descend into a discussion of the worst period of my life. Morgan had taken it well, but I wasn’t about to try his patience.
Morgan chuckled. “Geez, okay. Umm. Hang on, gimme a second to think of a convincing lie.”
I laughed. “You got mine instantly, you can’t do anyworsethan I did.”
“Okay, okay. When I was little, I wouldn’t wear rain boots unless they were purple. I failed P.E. class twice, and… I have a birthmark shaped like Antarctica on my hip.”
“I dunno if I’d say it’s shaped like Antarctica,” I said without thinking, wondering if it was a good idea to let Morgan know I’d paid that much attention.
Morgan raised an eyebrow.
“Saw it once when you were stretching your arms over your head,” I said.
And then looked for it every time you stretched after.
“I can totally see you in purple rainboots,” I continued. “And it’s hard to fail P.E., so I’m guessing that’s the lie.”
Morgan grinned at me. “Incorrect. Failed twice.”
“Really?” I asked, surprised. How did anyone failP.E.? You didn’t even have to be smart to pass. Even I’d been a straight-A student in P.E.
“Really,” Morgan said. “It… it’s probably a story for another time.”
“Huh.” I paused to think about that. “Wow. But the purple rain boots?”
“I figured you’d think that was real because I couldn’t make something that specific up,” Morgan shrugged. “They were actually pink. With glitter.”
“You must have been socute,” I enthused, picturing a tiny Morgan in his pink glittery rain boots, splashing in puddles, covered in mud.
