“I can always carry you back,” I offered. “You’re a featherweight.”
“Thanks, I think.”
“Did I do the wrong thing earlier?” I asked, Brad’s words still echoing in my head.
I can’t believe you let Morgan tell you what to do.
“No,” Devin said. “What thing are we talking about, specifically?”
I snorted, squirming a little at his confidence in me. “Saying you weren’t going back in the water,” I said. “Was that wrong? Have I screwed up your entire kayaking career?”
Devin shook his head. “You haven’t. I’ll be fine, I’ve taken dunks in the river before and gotten back in. Besides, this is my favorite sport to injure myself doing.”
I remembered him telling me about the fractured wrist, from when he first met Brad.
“And it’s not much of a career,” he added. “Competition sucks the fun out of it.”
Thatwas a surprise.
“Then why are you here for a competition?”
Devin sighed. “This is going to sound pathetic,” he said.
“Tell me anyway,” I encouraged. I couldn’t do much for him, but Icouldlisten, and that had to be better than nothing.
“Remember I said earlier that Brad was the only person I’d ever, umm…?”
“Yeah, I remember,” I said, not wanting to hear it any more than Devin apparently wanted to say it.
“Okay, well, he broke up with me,” Devin said in a rush, like he was embarrassed about it.
“Already knew he was an idiot,” I said, as kindly as I could. Who could possiblyhaveDevin and then decide they didn’t want him?
“Thanks,” Devin mumbled. “But he was right. I mean… he broke up with me for the right reasons. Because I don’t take any of this as seriously as he wants me to. I know everyone thinks I’m this… insane daredevil type, but I’m really not. I… I’m a coward.”
What?
“Excuse me?” I asked, stunned by what I’d just heard.Devinwas a coward?
If he was a coward, what the hell was I? What was the level below coward?
“I missed that landing today because I was scared,” Devin went on. “If I hadn’t been scared, I wouldn’t have hurt myself. I won’t take the risks I need to get to the top, and Brad knows it. He said… he said I’d never be anyonespecial, because I don’t know how to take a risk to get what I want, and I think maybe he’s right, but if I could beat him at this competition…”
This was a lot to take in, and I had no idea where to start. The Devin I knew was the bravest person in the world, as far as I was concerned. One mistake didn’t change that. It didn’t changeanything.
“You’re not a coward,” I said, because it was the only thing I could think to say.
“I am,” Devin said, shoulders slumped in defeat. “Iama coward. You saw Brad make that same landing four or five times in a row. It was aslightlyrisky move, but not impossible, and if I hadn’t been afraid…”
“Even Brad makes mistakes,” I said firmly, cutting Devin off from whatever he was about to say about himself, anger flaring up in the depths of my chest.
I wasn’t an angry person. Not anymore, anyway.
I was willing to make an exception for this.
“When?” Devin asked wryly.
“He broke up with you,” I said, my stomach lurching at the thought of stating my feelings so clearly. “That was a mistake. In my opinion.”
