I love you and I don’t want you to goseemed a little much for an opening line.
“Kieran,” Felix repeated, glancing down at my hand again.
… and then moving it off his knee.
“I don’t think we should do this,” he said.
The whole room seemed to spin around my head.
“Do…?”
“This,” Felix said. “This… whatever this is.”
Whatever this is.
Blood rushed in my ears, deafening me as I stared openly at him.
Whatever this is.
Felix wasn’t on the same page as me. We weren’t even working from the samebook, were we?
“… been fun, but it was only ever temporary,” Felix said, the first half of the sentence lost to me forever. “It’ll hurt less for both of us if we leave what happened in New York in New York.”
Fuck.
Fuck.
I was… I was just a hookup to Felix.
… which was exactly what I deserved. How many people had I done this to?
None that had actually fallen in love with me, I hoped, but…
My guts twisted into a knot as I sat there, staring at him. Felix was giving me theit was fun, but it’s overspeech.
Felix. Felix who I’d already lost once, who I didn’t want to lose again, who I’dfallen in love with.
He didn’t want me anymore. That was why he’d been weird yesterday, when I hadn’t been sure he was going to invite me in, when I’d practically had to beg to be allowed to be near him.
He didn’t… he didn’t…
I stood too quickly, knocking the coffee table away and making Felix’s eyes widen, a flash of fear passing over them.
The last thing I wanted was for him to be afraid of me. Ilovedhim. I’d loved Felix since we were little and I’d never stopped loving him and when he came back to me as an adult I’d fallen in love with him all over again.
But he didn’t feel the same way. Clearly.
“I… have to feed Hemingway,” I said, which was maybe the single stupidest excuse I’d ever come up with in my life.
“Kieran—”
“I’ll… I’ll… see you around.”
No you won’t.
No, I wouldn’t, would I? Felix was done with me.
All I could do now was try not to burst into tears in front of him.
