“They’re for kids.”
“I used to be one of those,” Kieran said.
I remembered this, the relentless support that came as naturally as breathing to Kieran. He’d always had my back.
Having to figure out how to stand on my own two feet when he left was… it was…
“Tell me about the main character,” Kieran interrupted that particular train of thought, which hadn’t been going anywhere good, anyway.
“Alex? He’s… smart. And brave, and loyal, and kind. He’s learning to be part of something bigger than himself because he’s gonna save the world. Well, he’s saved the world a few times, but not evenherealizes that yet. And…”
Should I tell Kieran this? The Alex Problem, as I’d dubbed it in the privacy of my own brain, wasmyproblem. Not his. He hadn’t volunteered to be a sounding board for all my writing woes.
But on the other hand, there was interest in his eyes, his attention was focused on me, and I didn’t have anyone else to talk about this with except Angelica, who’d already made her opinion clear.
“And he’s… I wanted to make him bi, but I think he’ll end up gay, but theimportantthing is that there’s this one boy, his best friend, and they’re meant to be together. But…”
“But?” Kieran asked after a pause.
I sighed.
Maybe I shouldn’t have brought this up.
The vinyl covering of the seat under me squeaked as I shifted my weight, shoving another handful of fries in my mouth to delay answering, but my stomach was already tied up in knots.
“The publisher doesn’t want him to be gay,” I explained. “Because they think it’ll affect sales.”
Kieran wrinkled his nose.
“Yeah, that’s more or less how I feel about it,” I said. “But there’s not a whole lot I can do.”
Kieran nodded, and then cleared his throat. “So areyou, umm…?”
“Gay?” I smiled at Kieran’s awkwardness. “Yeah. Very,” I said. “Don’t worry. It’s not a secret. Unless it should be around here?” I asked, caution getting the better of me.
“Oh, no, it’s… completely fine. Don’t believe everything you read about small towns. I can’t remember anyoneeverhaving a problem here.”
That was a relief. I hadn’t wanted to consciously think it, but one of the reasons I’d been less than thrilled about coming out here had been that I was worried about how people might react to me.
I trusted Kieran’s judgement.
“So… I don’t wanna assume anything…”
“Neither do I,” Kieran said, smiling wryly at me.
That was… cryptic.
“I’m… not gay,” he said, which was somehow evenmorecryptic, despite being fairly direct. It was something in the tone, in the length of the pause. Like there was something missing from that sentence, some hidden parenthetical.
Or maybe I was just telling myself that to mask my disappointment. I could’ve gone for a hookup with Kieran, maybe a little fling. At leastthat’dlast longer than two hours.
It was possible I was still stinging over that comment, no matter how true it was.
“But it’s cool that you are,” Kieran continued. “And again, you’ll be fine. When you’ve got a free evening I’ll introduce you around. Mom’d love to see you, you should come to Sunday lunch tomorrow, at least. And Aiden and Devin are all grown up now.”
The thought of seeing Mrs. Goode again—the whole family, really—made me smile. She’d always been so kind to me, warm and caring, like a second mom.
“I’d love that,” I said, eating another mouthful of my fries now that the knot in my stomach had worn off.
