It was weird to discover that I liked the way I looked when I was with Kieran. I couldseethe look on my face, soft and warm, open affection shining there.
Yeah, these would be plenty convincing. They didn’t look staged at all.
I sent a few to myself so I could pick my favorite one for Instagram once I’d played with some filters, and then slipped Kieran’s phone back into his pocket while he read.
“Do you need your glasses?” I asked, peering over his shoulder to see that he’d scaled the text up so only a few paragraphs showed on the screen at once.
“It’s fine.” He shifted his weight, sinking further into the couch. “The headache’ll go away when I stop trying to focus so close to my face. It’s not so bad when the writing’s bigger.”
An unhappy noise vibrated in my throat involuntarily. I didn’t like the idea of Kieran suffering for me, and I should have thought about what he told me about needing glasses before.
Kieran, without even looking, grabbed my hand, linked our fingers together, and rested both of them on his thigh while he kept reading.
“It’s fine,” he repeated. “I’ll remember to keep my glasses on me when we hang out. I left ‘em next to the couch because I was reading earlier.”
I looked down at our joined hands, and a terrifying thought hit me. Kieran wasn’t talking, earlier, about trying out what touching someone else’s dick was like.
He was talking about trying outhaving a boyfriend. About dates and hangouts and pizza on the couch and hand-holding. That was what he wanted, not slightly awkward casual sex.
It wasn’t what I’d intended to offer, but it was too late now to correct the mistake.
Besides, this was… nice.
When was the last time I’d just sat beside someone on the sofa, existing in the same space? Aside from yesterday after lunch, it’d been…
… longer than I cared to admit. Measured in years.
“This is good,” Kieran spoke up after another few moments, closing the laptop over and setting it aside on the sofa. “You’re right, it’s nice to see Alex all grown up.”
“He’s been through a lot,” I said. “I won’t spoil it for you, but… he deserves any happiness he can get.”
“He deserves Eliot,” Kieran said.
He didn’t know. He hadn’t read enough to see, yet.
To see that I’d spent the last five years of my life writingourlives. As they should have been. As Iwantedthem to be.
… well, except for the magic and the near-death experiences. But the growing up together, staying closer, gettingcloser…
… ending up together…
All that was wishful thinking. Had been wishful thinking.
And now Kieran was holding my hand and planning toreadthese books. What happened when he realized what he was reading?
“So, umm,” Kieran began, running his thumb over the back of his hand. “About that exploring.”
Oh fuck.
My throat went dry, and all I could do was nod to show I was listening.
“Thought maybe I’d start with your mouth?”
10
Kieran
The scentof Felix’s aftershave tickled my nose, making me smile as I breathed him in, hovering a half-inch away from his lips.
