“Thing is, I’d have to pull all the books. I can’t just… publish book seven with someone else, y’know? It’s in my contract, I’d have to break the whole contract. But I think I could go back to the original publisher. Grovel a little, maybe. They were always cool with the idea of Alex being queer, but they couldn’t pay me an advance or offer me the opportunities this publisher could.”
“Following so far, I think.”
“I’d be givingeverythingup,” he said. “The contract, the chance to negotiate movie rights, any hope I have of ever publishing with this company again… maybe any hope of publishing with a lot of other companies, too, once word gets around about what I did. I’m notthatmuch of a rock star, y’know? Debut authors hit the bestseller list all the time.”
“So… your options are rewrite the book or potentially tank your career?” I asked.
Felix nodded.
“What doyouwant?” I asked.
“I wanna tank my career,” Felix said, pausing to chew on his lip. “I want Alex to be like I meant him to be, and I want the whole world to know that you can be amazing and a heroandnot straight. I don’t wanna back down now, not after everything we’ve been through trying to make this happen. And… and I’m afraid that if I let it go this one time, it’ll be easier to let it gonexttime, and then the time after that, and I’ll just… stop caring about why I’m doing this in the first place.”
“Whyareyou doing this in the first place?”
As far as I was concerned, the answer was that Felix couldn’t have stopped telling stories if his life depended on it. He was made of stories,fullof ideas, always had been.
I didn’t like the idea of that stopping. It was who he was.
It was one of the things I’s always loved most about him.
“Because I have something to say,” Felix said. “And if Idon’tsay it, why should I even have a voice at all?”
Well, there wasn’t a whole lot of arguing with that, was there?
I reached out between us, curling my fingers around Felix’s hand, running my thumb along his knuckles like I must’ve done a thousand times.
“The right thing to do is publish the book as it’s written now,” Felix said, jaw set. “Even if I just… post it to the internet somewhere. Because everyone who’s given me their time and attention and space in their heart deserves that. They don’t deserve a lie at the end.”
“Sounds like you’ve made up your mind.”
Felix nodded, biting his lip.
“Then I think you should do it,” I said. “I’ll be here. I’ll hold your hand and make you breakfast and promise you that these things have a way of working out, because theydo. And I’m proud of you.”
Felix’s eyes widened. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. You’re doing the right thing, sticking to your principles. OfcourseI’m proud of you.”
A tiny smile turned up one corner of Felix’s lips, one dimple making an appearance. “Means a lot,” he said softly.
I couldn’t help smiling a little wider. “Good. We can handle this, okay?”
“Okay,” Felix murmured, pulling my hand up to his lips and pressing a kiss against my knuckles. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too,” I agreed. Felix shouldn’t have had to face something like this alone. “And Felix? I’ll always be here. Promise.”
Felix squeezed my hand. “Thank you. Stay with me while I call Angelica?”
“What did Ijustsay?” I asked, smiling at him.
I knew this was going to be hard, but I also knew it was the right thing, and Felix wouldn’t be happy unless he did the right thing.
“Thought you might want first dibs on the shower,” Felix said.
I shook my head. If he was doing this, I planned on being right there with him.
“We can share it after.”
