Normally a hot shower would have been comforting or at least clarifying, but my head felt as fuzzy when I stepped out of it as it had when I’d stepped in. Worse, maybe, since all I could think about was catching Aiden in the shower that first day.
He’d been so easy to be around since the beginning, and the fact that we’d lost that was my fault.
Not because Mandi kissed me on the cheek last night. That wasn’t the problem, not really.
If I hadn’t been a coward about all of this from the beginning, Aiden would’ve known how I felt. That he was maybe the best thing that’d ever happened to me and I kind of hoped he was just going to… keep happening to me.
But I’d known from the beginning that this wastemporary. Honorary boyfriend. Notrealboyfriend.
And even if I sat Aiden down, explained to him about last night, and got him to forgive me and believe that yeah, okay, my feelings were a mess but they were real, and I knew for sure that I liked spending time with him, what then?
Could I walk down the street in my own neighborhood holding his hand?
I sure as hell couldn’t wear the pin he’d given me on the outside of my coat, andhecould. Coming out to my family was one thing, coming out to theworldwas another.
If my family had rejected me—and I knew my mom had—fine. They were a mess. I wanted Mom to stop hounding me to marry a nice girl she’d picked out.
But could I handle it if someone at work lectured me in the elevator? Could I take the wrinkled noses if I got too close to Aiden in the street?
Aiden could.
He was a lot braver than me, though. Everything about him screamed courage and confidence.
Me, I liked to blend into the background as seamlessly as possible.
When we were alone, it felt like we were made for each other. But there was more to a relationship than being alone.
Aiden was back by the time I got out of the shower, and I suddenly felt exposed in a towel. He’d seen me naked—helikedme naked—but I wasn’t sure where we stood now.
I’d thought after the wedding that the two of us would snuggle up together and kiss and touch until the sun peeked over the horizon, taking our time, basking in the post-wedding arousal I’d heard so much about. Eager and excited and comfortable with each other now.
Some part of me had imagined falling asleep curled up against him, and my stomach hurt when I thought it now. I’d already had that for the last time and I hadn’t even stopped to appreciate it.
“Breakfast,” Aiden said, nodding to a bag from the bakery. “Saw your mom packing her car on the way back.”
“She say anything to you?” I asked, already bristling. After everything, she didn’t get to say awordto Aiden.
Aiden shook his head, tearing the bag open and taking a custard-filled donut for himself. For all that he was covered in tattoos and had a cock piercing, he sure did love vanilla and sugar. As tastes went, he had the palate of a ten-year-old, and that was adorable.
I just wished it didn’t make me ache to go lick the sugar off his lips.
Even now, he was still bringing me breakfast.
I definitely wasn’t good enough for him.
“No,” he said, licking the sugar off his own lips while I tried not to stare. “Think maybe she’s considering her life choices. Or just mad at everyone and positive she’s in the right and everyoneelseneeds to change.”
“The second,” I said, already dreading the eventual apology I’d have to make to her if I wanted her in my life ever again.
I wasn’t sure on that yet. On the one hand, I didn’t have so much family that I could afford to throw any of it away.
On the other hand, if my own mother couldn’t accept me for who I was…
“What would you do?” I asked. “About, y’know…?”
“I have a pinup merman tattooed on my arm,” Aiden said. “There’s no going back in the closet for me. I made my decision, but I also didn’t have to put up with the crap you have to. I can’t tell you what to do.”
Right. That was the thing, wasn’t it? Aiden’s family loved him unconditionally.
