“Really like kissing you,” Carter murmured, sighing as he paused for another break. The couch was just wide enough for us both to lie on it as long as we didn’t mind getting a little close and personal, and I definitely didn’t mind.
Carter didn’t seem to mind, either.
“I like kissing you, too,” I said, bumping our noses together. “You haven’t bitten my tongue even once.”
“Can, if you’re into that,” Carter joked, eyes sparkling.
I ran my fingertip around the back of his ear just to feel him lean into the touch, uncomplicated happiness welling up in my chest.
This was sogood.
“I’m intoyou,” I said, and it flew a little too close to the truth, but right now, I didn’t care.
Why shouldn’t Carter know that I was really enjoying this? Not everyone got to have a nice, safe way to explore their sexuality, and I felt good about giving that to him. Watching him discover a whole new world was incredible.
I loved the way he smiled at me whenever I made it clear that I liked being near him, even if it broke my heart a little that he was surprised.
“You mean that, huh?” he asked. “What did you even see in me when we were kids?”
“More or less the same things I see in you now,” I shrugged, kissing the tip of his nose. “You’re quiet and patient and you seemed like the kind of person I could justexistaround without it being a chore. You… you’re… grounding, I guess. And smart. I love that you’re so goddamnsmart. Listening to you explain things to Kieran got me through a lot of homework I couldn’t have done without you.”
“So you want me because I’ll do your homework for you?” Carter teased.
“Back then? Maybe a little. Not now, though. No one can make me do homework.”
“Taxes?” Carter suggested.
“If you’re offering to do them for me there’s definitely a blowjob in it for you,” I said, teasing.
“I’m not actually an accountant.”
I shrugged. “If you were it’d probably be illegal to take payment in blowjobs.”
“Probably,” Carter agreed, giving me thatlookagain. The one that made me think he couldn’t quite believe I was here.
“Why is this so easy with you?” he asked a moment later, propping himself up on his elbow to look me in the eyes, brows drawn together. “Why am I so comfortable?”
A lump sprang up in my throat. I’d been thinking about that, too.
Obviously, I was starting from a more comfortable place than Carter had been, but even I’d noticed it. Once we’d gotten past the awkwardness in the beginning, we’d settled into this so easily.
Hearing that he felt the same way…
“Think it helps that you’re not lying to yourself anymore,” I said, reaching out to tuck an imaginary strand of hair behind his ear, just to touch him.
That was the clue, wasn’t it? I just wanted to touch him. To stay exactly like we were right now, happy and safe, forever.
Because itwasridiculously easy to be with him, and it wasn’t just about a lingering crush or the excitement of discovery or whatever. There was something aboutus, him and me together, that justworked.
I love him.
Oh no. Ohno.
Shit.
That was it, wasn’t it? I didn’t know how or when it’d happened, but I’d gone and done the stupidest thing of my life.
Fallen in love with Carter, who I definitely couldn’t keep. We were going home after this, back to the real world, and Carter deserved someone who was more like him. Who could live in his world and be a part of his life with him.
