I laughed, but that was sweet.
“Slow would be nice,” I said, amazed that I could get that many words out in a relatively coherent order.
He did as I asked, easing out of me with all the care and reverence in the world before flopping onto the mattress beside me, panting harshly.
I stayed exactly where I was for long moments, body oversensitive and tingling with aftershocks where Carter’s fingers were brushing against my thigh.
Damn.
With every last bit of strength I had, I pushed the pillow back up to approximately where it’d come from and rolled over, flopping out on my back like Carter had, staring up at the ceiling.
This… this was going to take some processing.
Carter’s hand brushed against my fingers where they were lying between us, his foot just barely touching my ankle, and I couldn’t remember ever being this perfectly content before.
“Was that, umm.” Carter paused, swallowing so loudly I could hear him even over the rush of blood in my ears. “Was that… good?”
I laughed again, joy welling up in my chest at howsweethe was. This wasn’t what I’d pictured when I was in high school—I’d imagined an experienced older man showing me everything—but it was so much better.
“Oh yeah. I’m seeing stars right now,” I said, grinning and gesturing at the ceiling, where the clouds had finally cleared and the sky looked like someone’d spilled a pot of glitter over it.
Carter snorted, fingers shifting to curl loosely around mine, a little anchor point between us.
“What about you?” I asked, tilting my head to look at him. “How’re you feeling?”
“Torn,” he said after a moment, another sigh making his chest rise and fall.
“Torn?”
Carter nodded. “Between being mad that I’ve never done this before,” he said, turning to meet my eyes. “And really glad it was with you.”
A lump sprang up in my throat. Yeah. Yeah, see, that was the thing.
This was different, and I could feel it, too. I’d had plenty of sex in my life, but it’d never been quite likethat.
Like it meant something, like it was something other than simple physical pleasure.
And now that Carter had mentioned it, it scared the hell out of me.
“No regrets?” I asked, pushing that thought aside.
I was supposed to be helping him out, not falling in love with him.
“None,” Carter said. He sounded surer of himself than I’d ever been about anything in my life.
“Hold that thought a second,” I said, gathering the strength to roll out of bed and find my jacket.
I smiled at the thought of what I was about to do, unpinned the badge I wanted carefully, and headed back over to Carter’s side of the bed, pressing it into his hand.
“Here. Welcome to the club.”
Carter lifted the bisexual flag badge I’d been wearing on my jacket since I was nineteen, turning it this way and that in the low light.
“But this is yours,” he said, still staring at it.
“Yours now.” I shrugged. “I don’t need it anymore.”
If someone had done this for me, it would’ve made a lot of things a lot easier. I wouldn’t have had to feel like I was making shit up, or going through a phase, or like no one would ever accept me.
