The room swayed like a boatrocking.
“Breathe,” Logan said again,squeezing harder. Not quite hard enough to leave a mark, but right on the edgeof it.
“Count to three betweenbreaths,” he added.
That, I could do. That was asimple, straightforward instruction to follow.
Breathe in.
One, two, three.
Breathe out.
And again, and again. Icould do this. Everything was going to be okay.
“Now count to five,” Logansaid, and it was easier this time. I closed my eyes as I felt my lungs fillingproperly, the overwhelming feeling that I was suffocating shrinking back.
“You’re okay,” Loganmurmured. “You’re okay.”
Where did he learn how todeal with a panic attack like this?
I was grateful he wasn’t asking me toname five things I could see. This was embarrassing enough as it was.
“I—”
My voice cracked, throat dryand sore.
Logan pressed the glass ofjuice he’dpoured me earlier into my hand. I sighed as soon as I’d swallowed the firstmouthful, focusing on the sharp sweetness of it bursting over my tongue, theway it soothed my raw throat going down.
“Sip it,” Logan instructed. “Tinysips. The whole glass is there for you.”
Halfway through my orangejuice, I looked up and met Logan’s eyes, expecting to find disgust or pity orsomething equally painful there.
All I could see waskindness. Kindness and understanding.
Logan had been through this.I knew it as well as I knew my eyes would always look bruised if I wore purpleshadow.
I drank the rest of my glassin silence. The worst of it was over, but the walls of my apartment were stillclosing in on me.
“I can’t stay here,” I said.“I can’t… I can’t.”
Logan nodded. “Put some clotheson,” he said. “We’re going out.”
I could have asked where. Icould have told him no, I’d be fine.
Instead, I got up and headedfor my bedroom without another word.
Logan was just outside. Hewasright there.
I was safe.
I wassafe.
“I’ve never seena straight man order coffee like that.”
“Like what?” Logan asked,sipping his almond milk caramel latte with a sprinkling of cinnamon.
I felt like I had to hand inmy gay card for ordering a latte with one teaspoon of raw sugar afterthatorder.
