“I’m not imagining that,” Isaid. “Youcould.”
“Maybe.” Fox smiled wryly. “ButI don’t want them. I want you.”
“Butwhy?”
Fox sighed, looking up atthe sky again. “I’ve lived a life of having to be hard. At home, where a showof weakness would get the shit kicked out of you. Then in the army, where, y’know,same difference. And then I walked away with no hearing in one ear and ghostswhispering in the other, and I could never let my guard down. Working with Grayseemed like such a good idea because I was on high alert all the time anyway,might as well make myself useful. Finishing the day exhausted saved me a lot ofnightmares. And then I met you.”
Fox’s eyes were almost blackwhen he looked at me, the ring of bright green invisible in the failing light.This time, I felt like I was looking intohissoul.
“And it’s taken me a whileto work out what it is about you. I don’t think I have the whole answer. I don’treally think I need it. But you need me to be soft, and patient, and gentle.All my life I’ve wished I could be those things. Ihavebeen thosethings, deep down, and I’ve had to hide them. But not with you.”
Tears shone at the corner ofFox’seyes. I couldn’t look away from them.
“You look at me like I’mstill worth something. Like all the broken edges don’t bother you and maybethat’s because you haven’t found them yet, but maybe it’s because you’re strongenough to handle them. I sleep peacefully next to you like I haven’t in years.I…”
He sniffed, letting his headfall back against the tree. “Don’t let me start crying,” he said. “I’ll neverstop.”
“It’s okay.”
A half-snort, half-sob burstout of Fox’sthroat.
“I know!” he said, suddenlygrinning up at the sky as he wiped at the corner of his eyes. “I know it is. Iknow you’d let me. And… maybe, umm. Maybe one day I will. But that’s it, isn’tit? That’s why you’re so wonderful.”
He dropped his gaze again,looking me in the eye. “It’s safe to be me around you.”
My heart stopped.
For an agonizing fewseconds, it was all toomuch. Fox was showing me every wound he had andtelling me I made them hurt less, and it was more than I could handle.
How could he offer me somuch?
How could I take it? What ifI screwed this up, what if I hurt him?
But…
He trusted me not to, or hewouldn’thave been telling me this.
The panic faded back,replaced with a wave of tenderness that washed over my whole body. Big, strong,scary Fox was showing me his vulnerable underbelly and telling me it was okayto reach out and pet it.
How could Inottakethat?
Fox’s cheek was warm under myfingers, his stubble pricking at the soft skin of my palm. The familiarsalt-sweetness of his lips was a thousand times better out here, under thestars where no one else could see us. The cold tips of our noses brushedtogether and a smile so broad it hurt spread over my face.
Fox had protected me so manytimes, and now I wanted to tuck this vulnerable part of him under my ribcage,right next to my heart, and keep it safe there.
I was in love with him.
I wanted to say it, but thewords caught in my throat. After so long hiding my feelings, pretending theydidn’texist, having all these new ones was too much.
Fox would wait. He’d wait for me tobe ready to tell him to stay with me forever and be himself always.
His soft, kind, gentle selfthat I’dfallen so hard for it was going to leave a bruise.
We sat with our foreheadspressed together for a few long moments. Breathing in the same air, existing inthe same space.
Being, without havingto care about anything else.
“Eat your croissant,” Foxinstructed. “Can’t have you wasting away on me. And you’ll need your strengthfor later.”
