Someone had leaked my notes.Notes from a notebook where I kept my personal, private thoughts.Secretthoughts. Things I didn’t want just anyone knowing about me, things no oneknew about me.
I felt exposed. Strippedbare.
Thinking about it made mystomach roll like a boat about to capsize in a storm.
Not to mention the lyrics. Iwas already on shaky ground as far as Harmony was concerned, with the last leakand now the blown deadline for this album.
That was theonesongI’dbeen able to negotiate for. The one song I’d written for myself.
And now the whole world hadseen it before it was ready, and there was every chance they’dhateit, and whathappened then? Would they make me take it off the album now? After how hard I’d fought for itin the first place?
I felt dizzy all over again.All I’dwanted was one little piece of myself in the work I was trying so hard tofinish, work that’d made me feel like crap for so long.
I didn’tneedthis. Not now.Not when my whole career was on the line if I didn’t get through this withoutanymore screwups.
Maybe they’d go easy on methis once. I was cooperating. I wasn’t doing this onpurpose.
Who’d done this to me? Did theyknow how much damage they were doing, how much harm they were causing?
Thinking about it only madeit worse. If theydidknow, well… that hurt. If they didn’t,then getting mad at them was pointless.
What the hell was I supposedtodo, here?
Who could I trust?
I still hadn’t come up withan answer when Fox returned, sitting down next to me. The couch cushionsshifted under his weight, and the faint scent of his aftershave tickled mynose.
“Doctor’s orders,” he said,passing me a peanut butter cup package and a bottle of lemonade that declareditself all-natural and organic with a bold red banner across the corner of thelabel.
“You’re not a doctor,” Isaid, fairly sure that was true.
“No, but I do happen to knowa good one. Consulted him on what to do with you while you were out. He saidchocolate, electrolytes, and rest.”
“I can’t eat this,” I said,turning the bright orange chocolate packaging over in my hands.
“Allergies?” Fox asked.
I shook my head. “No, not… I’m not…this sounds so stupid when I say it out loud, but I’m not allowed to eat junkfood.”
“Who says?”
I sighed. Fox wouldn’t want to hearthis. “My uncle. I can’t afford to get sick, and eating crap makes you sick.”
“Firstly, bollocks, germsmake you sick. Secondly, two mouthfuls of chocolate and peanut butter isn’tgoing to make any difference,” Fox said. “When did you last eat?”
“Uh.”
That was a good question. Iremembered skipping breakfast, and dinner last night had a mental question markover it. Had I eaten? I’d been too embarrassed to face Fox, and that wasbeforeI’d jerked offimagining him in the shower.
I’d gone to bed withouteating anything, hadn’t I?
“Peanuts are a wonderfulsource of protein and chocolate’s good for the brain. They’re practically asuperfood,” Fox encouraged, his voice gentle again.
“What about the lemonade?” Iasked.
Fox shrugged. “It’sall-natural, isn’t it? Has to be good for you. And I didn’t think you neededany more caffeine.”
“Probably not,” I admitted.Three coffees were enough before noon.
