“Well, ‘go have lots ofmake-up sex with your boyfriend’ seemed crass.” Fox smirked. “Good luck, love.He’d be an idiot to lose you.”
“Thanks, Fox,” I said as Iopened the door, taking one more deep breath and heading out into the worldbeyond the safety and comfort of Fox’s apartment.
Seven o’clock saw thestreets less crowded and the air chilly, though as a California native I alwaysthought our winters were outright cold.
Maybe not as cold as, say,Chicago. Or England.
Fox had never let me live downwearing a sweater in what he calledperfectly lovely t-shirt weather.
Just as I was rounding thecorner, my phone buzzed in my pocket.
Fox:thought itcouldn’thurt to wish you good luck one last time
A tiny smile made my lipstwitch as I looked down at the screen. I could always count on Fox to cheer meup and push me to be better than I was. From the first moment we’d met, he’d beenlike an older brother to me.
Even though I actually hadfive years on him. It would have been hard for anyone to tell.
The jar of cookie butter inmy hand was warming up under my grip. Would that melt it? Would Miles care?
Was this a dumb gesture inthe first place?
I looked down at thefriendly, comforting label and thought of Miles all alone, working his waythrough the jar I knew he still had. Not that I knew he was as heartbroken as Iwas for sure, but…
There’d been somethingthere. Definitely.
I couldn’t have loved himif he didn’t feelsomethingtoward me. If he hadn’t made me feellike maybe he could love me back.
All I wanted was a chance toearn that. To apologize, and make things right, and if he was feeling reallygenerous, to keep seeing him once all this was over.
The last thing I wanted wasto throw away the best relationship I’d had in my entire life over one stupidargument. And if I let it fester, that was exactly what was going to happen.
My phone buzzed again.
Logan:I hear you’re on a missionto win back a cute boy. Go get ‘em, tiger.
That made me smile, too. Notso much being calledtiger, which I knew he was doing just to tease me,but the sentiment itself. Logan had always been really cool about me being gay.
I was pretty sure he’d eventuallyfigure out he was bi, but I didn’t plan on pushing. He needed to work thingsout in his own time.
I could handle watching himstare at pretty boys and then swear blind that he was justlooking, nomatter how frustrating it was. For as long as it took.
That was what friends werefor, after all, and I was lucky to have the ones I did.
I’d been lucky to have Miles,too. I wanted tokeepbeing lucky to have Miles.
Which was the idea I neededto start with if I was going to make this apology any good.
TWENTY-NINE
MILES
LYING IN THE middle of my bed in myunderwear wondering if I should get up and have a shower or crawl under thecovers and sleep wasn’t the most productive use of time I’d ever managed.
The problem wasn’t that I neededa shower or a good night’s sleep. It was bigger than that.
Jimmy would have to be dealtwith. John would have to be dealt with. My dad would have to be dealt with.
Gray…
