“Same as always,” hesniffed. “When I get stressed, it’s always the same nightmare. I’m fifteenagain. My mom’s leaving, and I’m watching her go, but I’m too weak to get upanddosomething aboutit. Too weak to even say goodbye. And I hate myself, and I wake up feeling likeit just happened all over again.”
What the hell was I supposedto say to that? I couldn’t imagine what it was like.
I’d lost people. My mom wasgone, too, but she hadn’tleftme. No one had ever really… left like that,in my life. Not intentionally. Not knowing how much they’d hurt me when theywent.
My dad was one exception,but I’dbeen glad when he was gone. No more arguments, no more broken glass. It’d beena relief.
It wasn’t the same aswhat Miles had been through.
Even Doc… we’d never puta label on what we had, but there’d been something, and I’d never feltabandoned when that something was gone. Our lives just moved apart. And we werestill friends.
I could’ve laughed atmyself. Why was I suddenly thinking about him?
A lump sprang up in mythroat as I realized the answer.
I was thinking about himbecause I’dfound someone to care about just as much, and he was curled up against me, andfor the first time in years I felt like I was ready to… to…
Love him.
Too late to stop it now. Myheart was already on board.
“My mom died,” I said. “Idon’t know if I told you, but… it happened while I was away. One minute she wasjust going in for a routine checkup, a couple of days later I was getting theget here nowcall. But Icouldn’t.Barely made it back in time for the funeral.”
Miles sniffed, shifting to lookat me.
“I have nightmares about itsometimes, too.” I paused to press my forehead against his, wanting to pourlove and support into him any way I could. “I have nightmares about a lot ofthings.”
“You must think I’mpathetic,” Miles mumbled, lower lip still trembling.
“No.” I shook my head. “No,that’s why I’m telling you this. Even big bad Gray, scary bodyguard for hire,has nightmares and wakes up crying his little heart out. You’re not alone. Andafter the day you’ve had? I probably wouldn’t even have risked trying to sleep,so. You’re officially braver than me.”
He laughed at that, and Ifelt like I was at least doingsomegood.
Most of the time,somegood was the best any of us managed. I’d take it.
If I could ease Miles’ burden for justlong enough to take the sting out of the nightmare, I figured I was doing okay.
“Lazier than you, maybe,”Miles said, but there was the faintest hint of a smile in his voice as hesnuggled close again, his fingers splayed over my ribs, thumb stroking idly. Iloved the way he felt against me, and while now wasn’t exactly the time tothink that, I couldn’t help it.
Miles justfit.
I wished I could think of away to tell him that without sounding weird and clingy.
It’d been so long since Iwanted to be with someone, really bewiththem, that I’d pretty muchforgotten how. Worse, I’d never been good at it in the first place.
I wanted to make the effortfor Miles, but I had no idea where to start.
“No one’s lazier than me,” Isaid. “I only show up to this job because I like doing it. Y’know, meetinteresting people, stop them getting groped by adoring fans.”
Miles snorted. “You seem to bethe only person who wants to grope me.”
“I’d stop if you complainedabout it.”
“Not complaining.” Milesshifted, burrowing his way a little further under the covers. I didn’t want tolet him go even for a second, but I pulled them up over his shoulder anyway.
And then went right back toholding him close.
Yeah. I was screwed, and Iknew it.
