“I hear there’s a drought,”I managed, forcing myself to be brave in front of Gray. I knew he’d take careof me even if Ididbreak down crying, but he’d had a long few weeks,too. It wouldn’t do either of us any good for me to sob myself to sleep in hisarms and leave him lying awake worrying about me.
A shower, a change of bedclothes, and a nice long sleep would solve everything, I was sure of it.
Gray, I was starting to see,was strong enough to lend me a little strength. I could choose to use that byhaving a breakdown, or I could choose to use it by pushing everything aside andcoping.
I wanted to cope. Not for mysake, for once, but for his.
“Sure is. Gotta save water.”
“It’s more efficient toshower together,” I concluded. Gray smiled at me, and the hand gripping mychest started to ease off.
My lungs ached as they filled,but I didn’tfeel like I was suffocating anymore.
“You start the shower, I’llstrip the bed?”
“Deal,” I agreed, forcingmyself to climb out of it and head for the bathroom. The floorboards were coldunder my feet, but the shock of it was grounding, and made it easier to thinkabout the warmth of the shower, and Gray’s touch on my skin again, and why itwas worth not just collapsing onto the floor and crying.
I squared my shoulders andstrode around the bed, taking deep, controlled breaths as I went. This wasn’t going todefeat me. Not now that I’d just gotten the best thing I ever expected to have.
Gray.
As long as he was around, Iwas safe.
TWENTY
GRAY
THE SOUND OF someone gasping for airfilled my ears the moment I woke, and my brain hadn’t kicked all the way intogear before my stomach sank.
Miles.
I reached out to him in thedark, laying a hand on his shaking frame and feeling my heart clench in mychest.
“S’okay,” I murmured, unsurehow awake he was and not wanting to startle him if he was still mostly asleep.Nightmares were bad enough without some asshole shaking you awake to round oneoff.
Miles stiffened, which toldme everything I needed to know. Not only was he awake, he’d been tryingnot to wakeme.
I wished he felt like hecould just lean on me when he needed to. What else could I do to make him feelthat way?
“Come here,” I said,reaching out to pull him in. He resisted for a split second, but then rolledover and let me hold him against my chest, sniffing quietly.
I was glad now that I’d stayed. Notthat I would’ve abandoned him after such a stressful night, but I’d thoughtabout retreating to the couch to give him some space.
Just as well I hadn’t.
“I’m sorry,” Mileswhispered, his voice cracking.
“Don’t be.” I squeezed himfor a moment, then shifted my hold on him so I could run the palm of my hand upand down his spine. I missed having someone to do that for me, and I was glad Icould be here to do it for him.
The wetness on his cheekssoaked into my shoulder where he’d buried his face, and my heart hurt all overagain. Miles didn’t deserve to have any of this happen to him.
He’d already been through somuch crap. Cancer, and his mom leaving, and a lifetime of being afraid ofgetting close to anyone.
I wanted him to let me getclose. I would’vedone anything to make it happen.
I just wasn’t sure how toconvincehimof that.
“Wanna talk about it?” Iasked as his breathing evened out. If he was ready to fall right back asleep, I’dlet him, but I knew from experience that it wasn’t always easy.
