“Right,” Oscar agreed, smiling over at him. “They’re peaceful animals, for the most part. More afraid of humans than we are of them.”
“They say that about spiders, too, but I don’t hearthemscreaming when they find a human in the shower.”
Oscar laughed, and the tiniest flutter of warmth bloomed in Ryan’s stomach. He liked making Oscar laugh.
“Have I told you you’re adorable yet this morning?” Oscar asked, grinning over at him.
That felt good. It was nice to have Oscar’s attention, and Ryan knew that meant this wasn’tjustabout sex, but right now, he didn’t care.
“Have now,” Ryan said, looking down at the thick mud he was trudging through. He was glad he’d tagged along.
Even if he was at risk of being eaten by a crocodile.
“So if we find one, how do you tell the difference?” Freddie asked. “I mean, how can you tell it’s not just an alligator? This is South Florida.”
“There are a few differences.” Oscar paused, holding a hand out to get Ryan and Freddie to stop. He looked around, then turned to the right and marched ahead, beckoning for them to follow.
“Higher ground,” he explained, nodding to a rise ahead of them. “Anyway, differences. There are a lot, actually, but I think the most definitive, easiest to spot one is that when alligators have their jaws closed, you can’t see their teeth, but youcansee some of a crocodile’s. That’s what I’m planning on looking for.”
“I thought we didn’t need to get all that close?” Ryan asked, suddenly worried all over again.
“We don’t,” Oscar said. “Their teeth are pretty big.”
That wasn’t as comforting as Oscar clearly intended it to be, but Ryan decided it was better to say nothing on the subject. Oscar probablyalreadythought he was a coward, he didn’t need to make it any worse.
“Hey,” Oscar paused, letting Ryan catch up to him. Ryan stopped as he reached Oscar’s side, not willing to go ahead of him. He was the leader, here.
To his surprise, Oscar reached out, touched his fingertips to the inside of Ryan’s arm, and then slid them down gently. Once he reached Ryan’s hand, he linked their fingers together, squeezing tight.
“I won’t let you get eaten,” he said softly. “And I’m proud of you for coming this far. Trust me?”
The air rushed out of Ryan’s lungs at the look on Oscar’s face, his soft smile and warm eyes drawing him in. Oscarwantedhim here, somehow, for some reason. Not only that, but he was promising to take care of Ryan.
Ryan had no idea what he’d done to deserve that, but he wanted to grab it with both hands. Despite the possibility of getting eaten.
Which, he could admit, was probably smaller than his brain was making it out to be. He wasn’t used to dealing with wild animals, was all. The scariest thing he’d ever been this close to before now was a racoon.
“Okay,” Ryan said, marveling at how good Oscar’s hand felt in his. Blood pounded in his ears, deafening him to everything except the tiny, satisfied hum Oscar responded with. His heart fluttered as Oscar smiled at him, his eyes lighting up as he nodded in return.
“Good,” he said. “Trust and bravery get rewarded,” he added, and maybe he was talking about the reward of getting to see a wild animal that most people never would, but Ryan suspected he meant a reward more to his taste.
Oscar was quickly becomingto his taste, and he still wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Part of him was afraid that he was just so lost and alone that he would have latched onto anyone.
The other part of him was evenmoreafraid that he liked Oscar because of who he was, and that it ran much deeper than Ryan had thought it might, and that he really wasn’t straight, after all. That he’d wanted to try this out because he’d known in the back of his mind that it was true, but he’d been afraid of it.
Bisexuality, as it turned out, was a little like a crocodile. Usually hidden under the surface and hard to tell from an alligator until you got close.
If that was what this was, anyway, and not just Ryan clinging to whoever would have him after feeling completely and utterly rejected for so long. After a lifetime of feeling undesirable.
Why did feelings have to be so goddamn complicated?
Ryan let Oscar drag him the rest of the way to the top of the vantage point he was guiding them to, grounded by the solid presence of Oscar’s hand wrapped around his fingers.
The knot in his stomach eased off, and the sun on his back suddenly seemed warmer, the air brighter and fresher. All of which had to be psychological, but it was such a relief that Ryan really didn’t care.
Oscar made him feel comfortable. It’d been a long time since he’d felt comfortable around anyone at all.
Oscar kept holding his hand when he stopped to look out at what the Kowalskis generously called the river beyond. Ryan wasn’t an expert on rivers or anything, but he was pretty sure they weren’t supposed to be mostly mud.
