“He pushed me away,” Flynn said, and that part still stung, and he didn’t even know why. The only thing he was sure of was that the whole thing made his stomach hurt.
The worst part of it was definitely that he hadn’t heard from Zach yet, and it was already Monday. He’d had a whole day to get in touch.
Of course, on the other hand, Flynn hadn’t tried to contacthim, either, so it wasn’t impossible that Zach was sitting around in his own kitchen thinking the same thing.
Flynn didn’t like the thought of that. Hehatedthe thought of Zach alone, and hurt, and as confused as he was.
Zach mattered to him. That was kind of the center of the whole problem.
“Did he seem upset?” Callie asked.
“Not exactly,” Flynn said, because he hadn’t, not really. He’d seem surprised, mostly, and maybe like he wasn’t ready to process the whole thing.Flynnwasn’t ready to process it, either.
He just remembered how nice it’d been when Zach was leaning against him, and howneededhe’d felt, and how much he liked that feeling. How much he wanted to be important to someone.
How much he wanted to be important toZach, specifically, even though they’d only known each other a few weeks now.
“You’re not surprised that I kissed him,” Flynn said the moment he realized it himself, looking up at Callie. “Are you?”
Callie shrugged. “You’ve always been a little bi,” she said.
Flynn blinked at her.
What?
“What?” he asked aloud, since thinking it probably wasn’t going to get him any answers. He’d exhausted his own self-knowledge, and he needed someone else to nudge him if he was going to dive any deeper into self-discovery.
“You’ve had a crush on that barista for months,” Callie said.
Flynn blinked. “No, he’s got a crush onmeand I just… don’t mind.”
“You… know you’ve told me about him, right? About how he’s cute, about how he always remembers your order, about how you once talked to him for an hour about Brutalist architecture instead of getting any work done?”
“I was just…”
“And I’veneverbeen to that café, so it’s not like you were just filling me in,” Callie interrupted. “You talked about him like a little boy with a crush.”
Flynn paused, turning that over in his head. Had he? When Callie put it like that, it definitelysoundedthat way, but…
“And there was the time Jamie Williams wanted to date me in high school, and you saidyou’ddate him if I wouldn’t and then talked about his assorted virtues long enough that I had to come out to you to shut you up.”
“He was my friend,” Flynn defended. “I just wanted him to be happy. And I waskidding.”
“You were kidding about how I really needed to see him without a shirt on before I made a final call?” Callie asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Yes?” Flynn responded, suddenly unsure.
“I have half a dozen more examples,” Callie said, not unkindly. “I’ve been expecting to have this conversation for a while. I thought we’d have itbeforeyou turned thirty, but…”
A lump formed in Flynn’s throat. Maybe… maybe Callie wasright?
“Okay, well, if you’re so smart, how come it took me this long?” he asked, fairly sure even as the words escaped him that she’d have an answer forthat, too.
“Because youcouldbe straight, or at least you could tell yourself that and not have to worry about the extra stress of being bi. Because you watched your brother get bullied for being different. Because you knew me for three years before I told you and you knewwhyit took me so long, even though you were my best friend.”
Flynn sipped his hot chocolate. This was a lot to take in.
Some part of him knew that it was true, though. Deep down, he could feel all this making sense, like he finally had an explanation for a whole lot of things that hadn’t really sat right before.
