“That you like boys and girls, and maybe people who aren’t boys orgirls,” Zoe said. “I know. Me too.”
Max blinked at her.
“You’rethirteen,” he said, shocked that she knew what hewas talking about better than he did.
“So?” Zoe asked. “When did you start liking girls?”
Max sat back in his cheap plastic chair, thinking about that.
Definitely by the time he was thirteen. Maybe a little earlier.
Knowing what he knew now… boys, too. Even all the way back then.
And then his life had gone to hell, and he hadn’t had time tothink about girls, or boys, or anyone else.
“Point taken,” he said. “Thank you for trusting me with that.”
“Mom doesn’t know,” Zoe said softly. “It’s not… I’m not scared,not really, but…”
“I get it,” Max said. “You’re only the second person I’ve told.”
“I like girls more than boys,” Zoe said with more confidence thanMax had ever had about anything. “Boys are dumb, but I like them too,sometimes.”
Max chuckled, his own nerves about coming out fading away. Zoe wasobviously pretty comfortable with how she felt, even if she hadn’t told theirmom yet.
“As a boy… yeah, we’re really dumb. Not all of us, but Idefinitely am. I just lost someone I care about a lot because I didn’t tell himhow I felt. I didn’t want to stop him from living his life and having his career,because that was the thing he wanted most in the world, and now… I miss him somuch.”
“Thatisdumb,” Zoe said, wrinkling her nose. “You shouldjusttellhim. Grownups are so stupid.”
Max laughed again. “You know what? We are. But we get scared, andeverything feels really complicated all the time.”
“You should tell him how you feel,” Zoe said.
“It’s not… I just…” Max’s heart hurt as he thought about it.
The idea of telling Connor how he felt wasterrifying. Hehadn’t been ready. He’d only just realized he could feel that way about anyone,at all.
It didn’t even matter anymore than Connor was a man. It matteredthat Max felt like Connor had taken a piece of his soul away with him, and thatif Connor didn’t feel the same way, Max wasn’t sure he could cope.
A nurse came in, interrupting Max’s train of thought.
“It is that easy,” Zoe said, letting go of Max’s hand.
“I gotta get out of here, huh?” Max asked the nurse, who nodded.
He turned to smile at Zoe. “See you on the other side.”
Zoe gave him a tiny wave, nerves apparently starting to set in.Max’s stomach clenched as he left the room, heading for the waiting area he’dseen earlier.
Zoe’s surgery wouldn’t take long, and even though she’d be inrecovery for a while, Max wanted to be there for her when she woke up. Shestill needed support, even though this meant she’d start getting better.
Max turned out his pockets for loose change, heading over to thevending machine to buy himself a can of soda before he sat down.
Once he’d picked a seat on what turned out to be a surprisinglycomfortable tiny couch, he cracked open the can, took a sip, and let out abreath he felt like he’d been holding since Wednesday night.
His thoughts snapped straight back to Connor.
It would have been easy to dismiss Zoe’s opinion as childish--shewas akid, after all--but she’d been through a lot. She had the wisdomthat living a hard life came with.
