Sunny had a way of making him feel good about himself.
“That’s the first time I’ve heard that,” Grant said. “I miss her. Hope, I mean.”
“I’m sorry,” Sunny said. “Divorce must be hard.”
Grant chuckled. “Pretty easy, actually. But it was never exactly a traditional marriage.”
He could tell Sunny this. Sunny would understand.
“I came out to my wife when Hope was just a few weeks old. We’d been together for years--since college, actually--waiting for the right time to have a baby. She’s still my best friend. And you know what she said when I told her I was gay?”
Sunny shook his head.
“She kissed the top of my head and told me she knew. She’d always known. And I’d still given her everything she wanted, and she’d always love me for that. I love her, too, but not…”
“Romantically,” Sunny finished for him. “I get it. I, uh. I’m gay, too.”
“I got the impression,” Grant said, smiling to himself. He was glad Sunny was comfortable enough to tell him that, even if it didn’t seem like something he tried to hide.
“That must have been so hard,” Sunny said, his eyes soft and sympathetic.
Grant shrugged. “I’m not the first gay man to marry a woman,” he said. “I did genuinely love Julia, just not… not the way I was meant to. I knew before we got married, it’s not like I figured it out later or anything. It was a bad time to be gay, and I wanted kids, and… that was that. It worked for us for a long time.”
“You deserve to be loved,” Sunny responded. “I mean, I’m sure youareloved, but… you know what I mean.”
Grant’s heart clenched in his chest. He appreciated what Sunny was saying. Not many people had told him that in his life.
“I do know what you mean. And thank you. Anyway, we didn’t actually get divorced until a couple of years ago. She’s a lawyer and she works for the UN, and she met this great guy, Joon.”
“June?” Sunny raised an eyebrow.
“J-O-O-N,” Grant said. “He’s Korean. Or, I mean, his parents are Korean, he’s from Chicago. And between you and me, super hot. And he’s a sweetheart, and Julia loves him so much and he loves her back the way she deserves. He’s a great guy. But…”
“But you miss your daughter,” Sunny said.
“Yeah.” Grant rocked back in his chair. “Yeah, I do. And I missed out on getting to see them all at Thanksgiving, because I forgot to book a flight, and then it was suddenly the day before and I just… couldn’t get there in time. I thought about getting in the car and driving down, but then I did the math on how long it’d take and realized I couldn’t.”
“I’m sorry,” Sunny said again.
Grant knew he was probably being depressing, but he could tell Sunny was listening to him.Reallylistening. And that was too much to ask of a guy who was supposed to keep his appointments in order and make sure he ate lunch, but Sunny wasn’t complaining.
Grant didn’t want to take advantage, but he did need someone to talk to.
“Don’t be. I have you now, so that won’t happen again. Shame I went grey from stress before I caved in and asked for help, though. I look so damn old.”
“Distinguished,” Sunny said. “Not old.”
A tiny spark of joy bounced around Grant’s chest at the compliment. Sunny obviously handed out compliments like they were Halloween candy, but it still felt good every time.
Grant didn’t get a lot of affection. He was allowed to cling to it when he did. That was natural.
“Thanks,” Grant said.
He couldn’t keep leaning on Sunny like this, even if he wasn’t complaining. Julia had moved on with her life. It was probably time Grant started to think about looking for someone.
He’d never really been in a relationship, aside from his marriage. He’d never been with someone he loved in all possible ways. The longer he left it, the less time he’d have with that someone.
It just seemed like a huge risk to put himself out there, and he wasn’t sure he’d ever be brave enough to take it.
